Finding Hope Through Connection

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

I started my day by having tea with a wonderful friend; the connection was awe-inspiring. Feeling the bond and our sense of community (meeting at a local coffee house in a small town) is the essence of the human experience. It is how we can light the world we are in, especially when we are struggling. Where would we be without each other? We had a deep exchange where we unpacked our challenges as of late; the thought of suffering together most certainly involved a higher power.

As we departed from our morning of fellowship, we both said how we thought things looked pretty good, with a bit of dark humor sprinkled into the moment. Still, after our departure, things felt like they had improved. Our spirits hugged each other, which helped shed light on each of our paths. 

If your world feels dark right now, step into the light. Yes, it may seem out of reach. Still, with some concentrated effort, you can lean into some kind of connection (with an animal, child, friend, family, coworker, clergyperson, or through brief encounters with your community like at a coffee house, in the library, at the store or on public transportation). Sometimes just smiling at a stranger warms our hearts when we unexpectedly get a smile back.  

Where is the love in your life? I encourage you to go inward and sense your heart if you feel empty. Can you feel it beating? It beats for you; this is the wisdom of the body and self-love; allow the feeling to grow. With some grace for yourself, take some deep breaths, and remember you are alive and meant to connect with others; we can find hope through connection. Give it a try!

Self-love

Photo: By Kathryn J. Raths (the front of a book container I painted)

In the short time I have been working at Still WatersCounseling, in Saline, Michigan, I have sincerely been blessed with a wonderful work environment, heartfelt coworkers, and supportive owners who are well-credentialed therapists. The client base that shapes my day-to-day existence has kept me focused and has continuously challenged me to go deeper within myself and into their worlds. I am intrigued by each and every person whom my path crosses. As I witness the transformation gifted by each individual’s therapeutic process, I learn something new daily. It is a very individual experience. While many commonalities exist in mental health struggles, each person brings a unique experience. What works for one person may or may not work for another; considering this, it becomes a discovery process and an adventure. But, much of the struggle is heightened and prolonged because of the view of self. When we face the world being unkind and harsh to ourselves (often, this is the underlying belief of being a failure or feeling a lack of worth), we cheat on our own successes. This distorted belief blinds us, robs opportunity, and cripples movement forward; it energizes darkness and more suffering.

By enabling self-forgiveness, we can manifest self-compassion. Without it, our energy will continue to drain, and although we may be strong enough to keep pushing, the fight will always be a fight, and we will never be self-fulfilled or truly give ourselves credit for all our accomplishments. You can be the most successful person through a societal lens, but if you do not love yourself, you will believe you are a failure. You, my friend, are worthy of the miracle of you and all that your best self has to offer. All you have to do is plug into the movement of self-love and learn to celebrate yourself. Please do not give your power away by sitting around and waiting for others to do this. You are your best investment; you have your back, which is the most important thing to realize; run with this notion! Once you fully embrace this message and make it part of you, your light will shine brighter than ever, and the outside pieces of your life will fall into place and flow more peacefully, much like your inner self. This love and happiness authentically came from the inside out instead of the outside (material wealth only boosts happiness momentarily). Genuine love from the inside out is what feeling good in your skin is all about; it gifts long-term bliss. Bless yourself with the wonders of you. If you feel you have lost hope, tug on a lifeline for help, and seek local counseling, you are worth the effort!

Tranformative Wishes

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

I have been transformed by resurrecting and reshaping my life over the past several years. I went back to school and worked hard to create the life I was meant to have; perhaps, the life my first 40 years of living has prepared me to embrace. Do not misunderstand; during my first 40 years, I experienced love, created a family, and nurtured my children. At the same time, I climbed the ladder of a career I will call Chapter One. I also experienced much hardship and heartache, which, in the aftermath, I am grateful for because it helped me to mature and evolve into a more compassionate person, the self I embrace today. I am passionate about my life; I feel I have arrived, and I’m on a path that nurtures me and the world around me, one person at a time, through my counseling efforts. I am grateful for my life experiences, and while I’m sure I will continue to be challenged and manifest new endeavors as I grow, I am also sure my faith and perseverance will help me rise above and continue to be shaped by such sacred experiences, especially those with others. 

I wish that you, too, will find your way through suffering and you will be able to use this testimony to transform, to feel worthy of manifesting a more glorious chapter of your life. May you continue to live your truth and evolve. Cheers to our future selves!

Happy Valentine Day...?

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

If you haven't noticed, I have taken an overdue break from writing the last couple of months, but today is a great day to get back on the writing wagon. Valentine's Day is both a curse and a blessing; when it is good, it is really good, but when it is bad, it feels horribly lonely. I am blessed to share my world with my husband and kids, but I, too, have suffered the hardship of Valentine's ghosts of the past; it isn't easy.

When I thought about an article tonight, I wondered what would be a good message and advice for those harboring broken hearts. Considering this, the best advice to give for a broken heart is to feel it. Does it sound like tough love to you? It may come across as feeling harsh, but as a practicing clinical mental health counselor, the client I am most worried about is the one who comes into my office with their feelings repressed. This kind of client has little memory of the past, is numb in the present, and really cannot understand what is wrong with his or her life, but most importantly AND heartbreakingly, this individual is not feeling joy either. We are human beings and are here for a feeling experience here on earth; if not, we are cheating ourselves out of growth opportunities found in the silver linings of heartache and the bliss of joyful memories.

If you do not love your life, work to love yourself first, which includes feeling both good and bad emotions/memories. We all have them. Give yourself permission to bereave the past selves, experiences, and regrets, and work to love you that you are in this moment! Celebrate you here and now; I'm sure you are worth the celebration!

Happy Valentine's Day, my dear friend!

3 Tips For Successful Achievement of New Year Resolutions

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC Photo (Me)

Before we can move forward and make new paths for healthier futures, it is always important to look back, not to perpetuate a feeling of being stuck but to realize or raise awareness of where we came from.

2015 was big for me. I finished my Master's Degree and became a Limited License Professional Counselor in the state of Michigan, landed a job as a Clinical Mental Health Counselor, got married, and purchased a small vacation home in the upper peninsula of Michigan where my youngest son will be living while he is finishing his degree at Michigan Technological University. It is the first year in many where I feel my hard work has paid off and feels pretty great.

In writing my post tonight, I thought about my work as a therapist and what I believe is fundamental to the success of changing habits; while it is tough, an integrated self needs to be at the forefront.

We have to show up aligned in mind (intellect), body (physical), and spirit (emotional). Many times when we fail, we only show up in one of these areas, which can cause misalignment and eventually lead to guilt or shame; we end up confused. What I mean by mind, body, and spirit is we must be fully committed to what we are trying to change. We need to lean on our faith (fuel hope instead of punitiveness), use our intellect to recognize and work through triggers, and increase our self-care to be able to rely physically on our bodies to persevere. If we want to make the change but are not ready to put forth the work, the comfort of the old routine or craving/impulse will quickly override any desire for change.

It helps if we rally support by talking to others about it and/or working with a partner or friend who is reaching for a goal too.

My 2016 resolutions are:

To become more physically fit/toned through exercise and healthier eating. To become more spiritually connected through mindfulness and more intellectually fit by increasing my study habits. I want to pass the state exam, have a full-time client base, and intertwine mindfulness into my everyday routine.

What are your resolutions? Tell me, and we'll work toward each of ours together!

Good luck and Godspeed!

Strengthen Your Family Bond

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo (I'm the youngest in the front!)

As a newly Limited, Licensed Professional Counselor, I am interested in helping families because a healthy family is the foundation of the success of our homes, communities, and so on. Considering this, I am curious about the dynamics of family therapy. I feel fortunate with my family; I wonder if I really did pick them before I entered my human experience? Although we’ve had our moments in the past, I can call any of my loved ones, and I believe they would help me in any way possible, and I would do the same for them. I do not take this for granted because I have seen many families who cannot count on one another in times of need.

If you can't count on your family, who can you count on for support?

The strength we get from those who can understand our life circumstances is extremely empowering. Although we may have grown up in the same environment, we can perceive things differently. This perception depends on many factors, like where we rank in birth order, our personalities, physical attributes, etc. But while we may live with perceived differences, we can better understand the lives of our siblings because of our overlapping journeys. When we care and are genuinely curious about individuals in our family, this attention gifts warmth and reciprocation. Just like in any relationship, there is give and take. But, if healthy relationships were never really modeled from our attachment figures and dysfunction was normalized in our childhood homes, developing stronger bonds as adults may be difficult. It is a work in process, and we often have to pick our battles by thinking about our values and choosing not to sweat the small stuff and take the high road. If you cannot initiate the interface, it may be time to take action and contact a professional for help. At least open the dialogue and see who might be willing to embrace positive change; it’s worth a shot!

If you are local to Southeastern Michigan, click here to find a family therapist.

Empowered by Authentic Self

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo- Follow your instinct!

Who we perceive ourselves to be and whether we see ourselves as capable of accomplishing our heart’s desires can make or break our success. If you believe you are incapable, your mindset and emotional backing can block you from being capable. If you believe you will fail, you are less likely to overcome the dark energy you exert with such force. Why does it feel so risky to hope for the best? Vulnerability is scary; it takes courage to be hopeful for a positive outcome. 

But the key to putting yourself out there is learning how to be a positive support to yourself, and in doing this, you must redefine the concept of failure. Every time you try something, it's a win regardless of whether you make it to the top; the experience teaches how to better push outside the box, and each time you try, you learn something about yourself if you reflect less critically. 

I have had so many clients who have said, "It's not worth getting my hopes up." However, I challenge them that it is worth it. So, if you tend to see life through a negativity bias, it is time to change this pattern and work hard to be more positive. You’ve heard the expression, “Fake it until you make it,” there is really something to this. Smile when you do not feel like it and cheer yourself onward towards bigger and better things because you are worthy. You do not have to pretend to see rainbows and butterflies but instead, try to mindfully focus on positive potential instead of perpetuating worry and putting your body through the distress of a future failure because when you do this, your body is experiencing the unknown reality of the future as a dark energy in the present. 

The perception of self is foundational to self-esteem; it encases and holds it up, and the belief in self fuels self-agency. But, believing you are unworthy or inadequate emits an energy that tells others the negative message, and suddenly, you are living a self-fulfilled prophecy; life steps up for the pummeling and attacks similar energy from others. 

So, think about all this, and then let me know what you are worthy of? I know it is greatness! If you think negatively, I want you to lasso the thought and then put your hand on your heart and counter it by using the word BUT. If you think, "I can't do this," then, instead, say, " But I can try!"

We must find our strengths and things we value about ourselves and hold onto these attributes to manifest more of the good energy and make it grow. If you are breathing today, your life has value, and you are worthy of a purpose; go out and find it. The only one you have to prove it to is yourself!