Click on the below article link to obtain background information to this blog post:
Examiner article
Carl
Bozeman continued the interview.
In his
words, “I am married but was in a marriage for 32 years with a woman who stood
by me through all the ugliness that would surface in my life throughout the
marriage. We divorced after I had and
out of body experience that freed me from all the demons of my childhood. While
I wanted to maintain the first marriage, by the time I rediscovered myself, I
had caused so much damage we were unable to keep it together. I left my ex everything and moved into a new
life with my current wife with who I have a wonderful relationship.”
It has
been a long path to recovery for Carl.
He
shared, “I endured 25 years of psychotherapy and medication. I suffered Post traumatic
stress, depression and MPD (Multiple Personality Disorder). I went through
multiple testing and therapeutic processes to try to reach a point in time that
could explain all that had happened. I used a procedure called EMDR which is a
rapid eye movement procedure developed to help desensitize people who have been
severely traumatized. I was on antidepressants for most of the 25 years I was
in therapy as well. I never was able to
resolve the dilemma I thought my life was and so I decided to end it.”
Carl continued, “As earlier described I had
given up. I decided that the possibility of finding a point in time (past) that
could be a catalyst for why I was so unhappy and the way that I was, was never
going to happen. That is when I planned to end my life: I describe this in the
preface to my third book. I’ll include it here:
As I look upon the
layered blue waters separated by the uneven lines of foaming white waves
breaking onto the California coastline I am moved at such beauty but saddened
that this will be the last time I see it. The short flight from Santa Barbara
to Los Angeles to visit three of my four children lets me reflect on my
troubled life. This is the last time I will see them and that they will see me.
Later I will travel to Seattle to see my fourth child to say goodbye to him as
well. They won’t know it is goodbye. All they will know is how much I love
them, how much they have meant to me and how very proud I am of each of them.
Their memory of me will be the pleasant time we spend together these next few
days.
My marriage is over. I
alone have wrecked it in every way and broken the woman I adored above all
others. My infidelity, mental illness and erratic nature has ended what was
once my greatest comfort and relationship with my best friend. I ponder my life
as a child growing up in Tacoma, Washington with six sisters in a house too
small to contain us. My father leaving abruptly at the age of seven and without
any reason that I comprehended and, whom, I would not see or hear from for over
fifty years. I consider the embarrassment of poverty and destitution that
immediately befell us upon his leaving. How everything spun out of control and
neighbors, relatives and my very own mother transformed into monsters who would
abuse me physically, mentally and sexually. How my best friend, an older gentleman
and neighbor would break the trust of innocence and sexually abuse me while
crying and begging me to forgive him. A tear runs down my cheek as I recall
those awful times. It is all I remember but not for long, I tell myself.
I reflect on my years
as a father, husband and provider to my own family and all the activities I
participated in with them so they could have what I could not. How I had
protected them from the ugliness I had known when I was a child. I was
dedicated to them and to my wife who stood with me as the demons of my past
percolated into my awareness. I was a mess and I tried to protect my family
from my own suffering and sadness but I could not. I would pour myself into
over twenty-five years of therapy and medication and an endless search to find
that one moment in a cruel past that would set the demons free and free me from
the depression, post-traumatic stress and multiple personalities I suffered
from. It would never happen. The moment would not come and so I would bring it
all to an end myself. As I sat aboard that airplane, looking down, I felt
relief but not freedom. Freedom would come later. A sudden but quiet end to
misery, suffering and the unanswered question: Why?
While visiting my
three children in Los Angeles we had decided to go to a late night movie that
would start a few hours later but were unsure how to pass time until then. We
were gathered at my oldest son’s apartment where we chose a DVD to watch,
which, we all agreed would be a good means to kill time until it was time to go
to the theatre. I was in an easy place and I was calm and relaxed. The struggle
was soon to be over and knowing this gave me great peace. There was nothing
else to do but have fun and enjoy this short time with my children. Then it
happened.
Suddenly, I felt
myself lifting out of my body in a most unsettling way. I hovered just above my
children and myself and watched them, and me, watching the movie. I felt the
lightness of this strange state and there was a purity to it that made me feel
the cleanest I had ever felt. I was completely given over to what I was in that
state and no longer felt any connection, whatsoever, to the person sitting in
the chair as the physical me. In an instant I was swept up into an awareness
that the human before me was not who I was. I was, clearly, not that body and
despite all the suffering that body had been through there was nothing that
would alter this exhilarating new perception of who I was. I could see that I
was not the experiences of my physical body rather I now knew I was the
experiencer of my physical body.
This recognition
completely washed away everything I held as significant and causal in making
the decision to end my life. None of what I perceived myself to be when that
decision was made existed anymore and I realized, in that moment I truly was
free. This new sense of freedom opened me up and everything about my existence
changed. Who I truly am was trapped in a human body whose only awareness was
human experience and all the human could do to stop it was to end the physical
life. All that went away. I now saw something far beyond the human identity I
had become and all my perceptions of what used to be changed in a way that
became grand and wonderful. As this I settled back into my physical body I knew
I was not what I once believed myself to be and I saw life, intelligence oozing
in everything and it took my breath away! The double sidedness of everything, I
once experienced, physically, ended. There was nothing that was not magnificent
and in that magnificence all things blended into each other.
Soon thereafter I left
my marriage of thirty-two years, stopped all anti-depressant medications, ended
all therapy, quit my job and career and began to write, which is what I
continue to do. I was saved in a moment of despair and complete release of all
worldly things and literally freed from darkness. I now share this new
awareness with others.”
His
spirit gifted his awakening.
Carl
talked about this, “I no longer worry or stress about human events including my
own experiences that once were identified as good or bad or ugly, whatever. I
know completely that I am not my body and that anything that happens is an
experience of the human body, which we in our true form simply experience. I
embrace all of life and see nothing but beauty and splendor that literally
cannot be described with human language.
We literally are spiritual beings, other beings living in a human
vehicle for a short while. All of it is incredible and it is only the ego
(mind) that judges the experience as good and bad. We cannot begin to imagine
with our minds how incredible we are outside the human experience. Mind isn’t
big enough (even if we were using 100% of our brains capacity). We are the creative
center of the universe. While I know it is impossible, using human language,
thoughts and emotions to describe this I share, at best, pointers to those who
search as I did in the hopes of helping them find the sheer beauty of
everything we experience in this life and the awareness that we are more than
that experience!”
He
discussed his books, “My first book is an Amazon Bestseller titled, On Being God Beyond Your Life’s Purpose.
It is the book I first wrote after having the out of body experience I describe
earlier. Its major themes are:
· We are Gods; not a part of some higher
consciousness or the physical incarnation of life forms through which God can
experience three dimensional life but real gods in our own right with all the
creative power we give to the God out there somewhere in the heavens.
· Three-dimensionality has conditioned us
to accept, as reality, an illusion that life is what we see it as through our
five senses and that anything outside of that is un-provable and therefore
unreal.
· A significant part of the illusion we
are conditioned to accept is that there is sin in the world. The idea of
opposites permeates every aspect of life, which throws us into the judgment of
that which is good versus that which is evil. Good and evil is a metaphor for
the infinite range of possibilities we, as Gods, have before us. Sin does not
exist as anything other than our conditioning defines it. Gods have no sin!
· We can rediscover our true nature, our
divinity, and see past the illusory life we live and upon discovering our true
self we can experience life in a way unimaginable while in the illusory state.
· Ultimately there is no purpose in life
other than to experience every aspect of it and enjoy everything about it
whether we consider it good or bad experience. Life is wondrous beyond anything
the illusion we live under allows us to see.
The
second book is titled: Are You Listening?
Addressing the Divine Within. This
book is a take on the Lords Prayer but under the guise that when you are addressing
the divine it is really that part of you that occupies the body, to whom, you
are really directing your supplications. It is literally talking to the God
that you are. This is a short but poignant book that breaks down the various
aspects of the prayer we all take for granted.
This book
is a free download for signing up for my periodic newsletter at www.spiritual-intuition.com
My third
and latest book is titled: On human Being – Loving
& Living Without Purpose. This is a book that is supposed to help us
look at our human experience from the viewpoint that we recognize that we are
Spiritual Beings (Gods) having a human experience and that what we are taught
to look at is really the output of our conditioning as humans which for the
most part, is really not what is going on.
It takes the approach that our experience is insignificant and
unimportant in the realm of our infinite natures as divine beings. It is a guide for being “God” as a human, temporarily.”
Carl’s
contact information, “I can be contacted through my website: www.spiritual-intuition.com or my
email address carl@spititual-intuition.com . My website has many ways to interact and
share insights, ask questions and comment on various topics. At the end of each section is a way to
comment and share ideas that get posted to the website, thus adding to the
overall base of information we all share.
I am on Twitter at: https://twitter.com/CarlBozeman
and Facebook at: https://www.facebook.com/OnBeingGod”
