Say it out loud, continued...

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I co-facilitated a recent group therapy session when another facilitator talked about the difficulty for clients to “say their story out loud” because it seems to bring it to life all over again. But, the reality is that bringing something to life that has been suppressed or repressed is actually a good thing, and this share of the story will help breathe energy back into your life. We all must tell our story to fully understand and accept it. It offers growth.

Once you can talk about it, of course, then you must work with a therapist to process the experience, whatever it is that you've tried to disown or ignore. What does this mean? Just as the counselor can help clean the slate to soothe the pain of sharing the burden, he or she will help dig beneath the experience at its core to feel and free its hold. This is hard work because it now involves you processing and questioning the feelings manifested surrounding the experience. It is an emotional process, but once you have bonded with the counselor, a safe place in this relationship is established, and this helps to enable you to tap into and own your vulnerability.

If you have a trusted friend or loved one, you can lean on this support to do the work. But, if you feel your world is at a loss currently, it is important to reach out for professional help.

With support, you can move beyond your past or whatever is draining you in the present to embrace a healthier you in the here and now. I am sure of this!

I may sound like a broken record as I spew about the benefits of mindful living and a good support system, but I believe in this. What about you?

Talk Therapy

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I have written many articles about the here-and-now, present-moment living, and mindfulness; all of these concepts involve owning one's realities. I’ve also written many articles about accountability, acceptance, and surrender, which opens the door to the reality of our worlds.

Today’s article offers a rundown of the cause and effect of how someone’s world can come to feel out of control and how counseling can go deep into the root of this chaos and strategically realign with living the truth of one’s reality.

When we suppress as a form of avoidance or blatantly ignore parts of our lives because we can’t face this truth (i.e., repression), it only causes things to snowball, but at this point, our rational thought has already shut down. And, some individuals just cope in a world of chaos, it becomes their normal and they go about living an unfulfilling life; this energizes the chaos.

It takes a courageous person to walk the path of recovery. To let someone into the nooks and crannies of his or her life, offering their experiences, even the darkest ones, in order to reflect and dissect where false beliefs and thoughts have come from and how they’ve been energized. Imagine sharing your mistaken choices with a stranger. Pretty scary, huh?

But, engaging a healthier you is worth perhaps a bit of embarrassment and discomfort because once the darkness is aired, a heavy burden is relieved. It sheds light on the darkness. In counseling, you are participating in a safe and nonjudgmental space; it’s a place that honors authenticity. It’s a partnering relationship that requires you to show up with a will to address the darkness and motivation to embrace positive change. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say again, “You are your best investment worthy of any work required to surface your best self.”

Have you ever been in counseling? How was your experience? I’m curious. Leave me a note. 

Make Yourself Smile

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Today, while I was in the women's prison, co-facilitating a therapy group, I participated in a meditation. It was an empowerment exercise about gathering and feeling our power. We first grounded ourselves by planting our feet firmly on the floor and sitting up straight. Then we started deep breathing. We pressed our hands together and then pressed our feet firmly onto the floor to gather our strength. Then, we released and repeated the process. The person who led the meditation instructed us, and as we released the energy, she told us to smile the victor’s smile. This was described as a half smile.

It got me thinking about smiling and all of the benefits this small thing can give us.

Amazingly, a smile can create endorphins (a feel-good chemical), lower our heart rate, reduce stress, and boost our immune system.

I mean, come on, we’re talking about a smile. Pretty cool, huh?

How often do you think you smile in a day? However often it is, I don’t think it is enough. I challenge you to be aware of your smiles and face each day with an intent to share more happiness with the world; let's smile away, my friend!

Welcome Summer

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I am drawn to darkness; I like to channel my energy into lighting the world by soothing hardship one person at a time, including myself. It is important I realize that I, too, need self-love and attentiveness in order to be healthy enough to help others. I struggled with the full acceptance of my dark side for many years into my adulthood, but eventually, I realized that by denying or shaming this being who still breathes within me, I am energizing the wrong kind of energy. If I stumbled on a vulnerable young adult striking out into the world in pain today, I would reach out to this person to help soothe his or her pain, so why wouldn’t I do the same for the younger version of me who made such terrible past decisions? Does this past make the younger me a bad individual today, considering I am using my story to help others as a positive contribution to the world as an adult? I don’t think so. I can’t change the past, but I can use what I learned to shape the present moment and create a brighter future. The summer solstice is a great day to honor our past selves, darkness and all, in order to fully appreciate the light gifted by the first day of summer.

I always gauge myself to the light wherever I am in life. Whether you are on the dark side of the light or the light side, honor this place as a starting point. 

Symbolically, the summer solstice is a pretty spectacular day. I’m hopeful you will take a few moments to ponder and embrace this day or another one in the future to help brighten your world!

What trench are you braving your way through? Talk to me about it; I think it will help!

Doodling Habit

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I love to doodle, so when I took my Expressive Art Classes last year and stumbled on this validating research stating that doodling is a positive activity in our lives, it gifted me joy. If you are a business person like me, consider attending a meeting where the presenter passes out his or her written material before the meeting starts and then encourages the attendees to doodle their way through the material while present. I know, for sure, that I would be much more enticed to stay awake, and, according to the research, I would actually retain more of the presented material by doodling.

It warms my heart whenever I see someone working the margins of their paper. I highly encourage doodling, and I love to look at the individual’s work of art once the meeting or session is finished. What does it say? Is it modern art, a border, mini-drawings, or word art? Does it look balanced, or is it lop-sided? Does it feel like it’s floating, or is it heavy?

All of these questions really do tie into the emotional expression of the artist, which is part of any kind of art we create. Creation is a way to process and express.

It is definitely something that I will keep in my life-learning tool bag.

Are you a doodler? Leave me a note or share some of your doodles with me. I would love to see them!

Teenage Choices

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I’m not sure if you are the target of anger and mood swings from your teens, but I sure had a target on my back, and my teenagers held the bows and arrows for some time. It seemed like a time of continuous moodiness; between my fiancé and I we have 4 kids, all about a year apart in steps, so we went through these years one right after the next, seeing the moods, self-centeredness, and reckless behaviors play out one after the other for what seemed like an eternity. I’m writing about the hardship of our teenagers, but there were also many heartfelt moments, and the changes feel dramatic for them, too; it is part of their development!

I was empowered by what Medscape shared about the amygdala.

Medscape.com shared, “The adolescent brain… develops in a predictable way, in a very set back-to-front pattern (NIMH, 2001). The rear section of the brain, the cerebellum, is the first to mature. Cerebellar functions include physical coordination, rudimentary senses, and early thought processes; there is a corresponding increase in physical abilities as the school age child develops… Also, in the rear of the brain, the amygdala develops in order to control the emotional processes in the brain… This provides some insight into the early adolescent and the emotions that can be intense and unexpected as this portion of the brain grows and matures. The middle of the brain… then undergoes this conversion from gray to white matter. The basal ganglia, known as the "secretary" to the frontal functions of the brain, is in charge of organizing the brain and keeping it on time and on-task (Wallis, 2004, p. 60). The corpus collusum is attributed to such tasks as problem solving and decision-making; it is considered to be the origin of creativity and critical thinking (Wallis, 2004).”

When you put this all in perspective, how they act makes perfect sense. It helps justify the hardship a bit. Of course, it doesn’t make it okay for our teenagers to be reckless; it just means we have to be more involved and in tune with them in order to try to keep them on a healthy track while going through such inner transformation. It’s a tough mission but really worthwhile! For me, it has involved lots of prayer, and that's with amazing kids!

What about you?

A Neurocounselor

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC

The brain is one of the most fascinating and mysterious organs in the human body. Science has come a long way, but we have so much more to learn. I just started my last class in my Mental Health Counseling Master’s program, a neuroscience class. I love learning about the brain. A couple of semesters ago, I actually purchased a model of the brain so I can better understand and also educate my clients about what actually happens physically in the brain when an individual is suffering from mental illness.

We’ve often heard how our minds can make or break our moods; neuro-science proves this concept. Negativity and/or lack of healthy engagement on an ongoing basis can break down function in the brain and cause deficits. But what is more impressive to me is that the power of a positive interface can combat this breakdown and heal such damage.

I think the old days when cultural responses would write people off because of emotional distress are going to be a thing of the past: statements such as, “She’s a drama queen” or “It’s all in her head; she’s faking it,” is going to be proven otherwise. Doctors can now take images of the brain and see areas of concern. Neglect shows up in underdeveloped regions, and things like depression can be identified by the lack of certain chemicals and activities in areas of the brain. Videos of a person’s brain can actually depict what is functional and what is suffering illness, and medicine, along with psychological intervention, can target the dysfunction in hopes of rehabilitating it by creating new neuro-paths, which results in altered behaviors and health.

I’m in awe of the complexity of the brain and the mystery of it all as the field unfolds more discoveries. I’m curious and excited to learn as much as possible. It is pretty eye-opening.

What are your thoughts about neuro-science and counseling? Do you believe it is beneficial to blend the fields?

Messages From the Afterlife

Mark Ireland's book, Messages from the Afterlife, A Bereaved Father’s Journey In The World of Spirit Visitations, Psychic-Mediums, And Synchronicity, is recommended.

Like many others, I do not believe in coincidences; I believe in synchronicity, which I’ve written about in the past. My interface with Mark Ireland has been timely in my spiritual evolution. My universal door became ajar after the loss of my father in 2008; this is when I really started sensing the sheer veil that separates the living from the dead. Like Mark Ireland, I utilized psychic mediums, became open to my own supernatural experiences, and took notice of my nighttime dreams to soothe my aching heart. My world transitioned, gifting new priorities, outlooks, and my own soul-work; my life transformed. In the aftermath of my father’s death, my creative spirit surfaced. I channeled healing words that I shared in my bereavement book, What Can I Say When Words Escape Me, being present in times of sorrow in 2009. This led me on a path that now includes a Master’s degree in Clinical Health Counseling, which I’ll obtain in 2 months. Analytically, I am not sure how the universe will fit the pieces together, and as I grow spiritually, I realize I do not have to worry about this. I am trusting and open to all that it entails. I am sure this path will enable me to better support others who need help finding their way through bereavement. Perhaps it is this vibration that connected me with Mark, however this celestial intervention came about, I feel blessed that our paths have overlapped.

Mark’s book, Messages from the Afterlife, A Bereaved Father’s Journey In The World of SpiritVisitations, Psychic-Mediums, And Synchronicity, reminded me of the wealth of supernatural encounters I’ve had and how each of these interfaces has fueled my belief in life after death. I have no doubt that we continue in spirit. Life as we know it physically is just a blip on the radar in the big scheme of things, although this blip is quite significant in the sense of our soul work. I have shared in past posts that I, too, have been blessed with a very vivid vision of death, and ever since I do not fear my passage or the death of others whom I love. As a matter of fact, the realm of death continues to be a part of my world as I shed light on the passage of others within my hospice work. Death is a natural progression of life, and once we all realize that it is not the end but a celestial metamorphosis looping us back to where we began, it’s more of a homecoming than a loss. It offers a healing perspective if you are open to accepting it. However, that being said, life is priceless and a miracle that we should hold as precious while existing in the physical. 

Mark’s book is well-written and interesting. It will engage your curiosity and lift your spirit by gifting hope. Pick up a copy of Messages from the Afterlife, A Bereaved Father’s Journey In The World of Spirit Visitations, Psychic-Mediums, And Synchronicity, by Mark Ireland. You’ll be glad you did!

Appealing to My Palate

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I recently went to Las Vegas for a week, and even though what happens in Vegas is supposed to stay there, I inadvertently brought 3 pounds back with me. Remember that this adds to the 6 pounds I have maintained from a cruise I went on over the 2015 New Year; ouch!

At this point, considering the above, I needed to be more health conscious.

I started a detox by removing meat from my diet for 1 week. I realized the importance of protein, so I ensured I was still getting plenty of it in other forms.

I also started doing Jillian Michaels' BodyShred DVD program.

It has been 1 week, and I am incredibly sore from the 30-minute daily workout. I am happy to say I am 3.5 pounds lighter. I'm hopeful that the 2-month program will tone my body as I am in drastic need of this, and at the same time, my eating habits will improve significantly while I continue to shed the unhealthy pounds.

The busier I get, the less healthy I become. As my schedule picks up, I start to lose my health routine. This is a weak point for me that I have to improve upon. I can get back in shape and know how to make this happen. The work isn't for me, but it is feasible, and I can do it; I do not like to work out.

What is most discouraging is the upkeep; I have to figure out how to properly maintain the hard work I put into myself instead of being on the weight gain/weight loss roller coaster I seem to be riding.

How do I get off of this ride permanently?

The solution is through nutritional health and movement, but behavioral change is not easy, so I am working to encourage myself through it. If I eat some more plant-based meals, I can more easily create a routine that includes them.

It's the same with exercise. I do not like to workout and as long as I look at exercise as a negative, I am self-sabotaging my efforts. As I search for healthier foods, I'll try new activities and, hopefully, find something I really enjoy so the upkeep doesn't feel like torture.

How are you managing a healthy life? Share your successes and also the things that you are still in the process of trying to make work!

Deal Breakers

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If you feel you have lost your identity and/or you are often self-sacrificing in your relationship, dig deep within and work on developing your strength for yourself. This will alter your energy, better align your outside world, and gift a healthier you.

A broken self sends mixed messages because if we are unsure of what we want and cannot communicate what doesn't feel good for us, how can we expect others to understand our own needs?

We must mend our own fractures and be our own heroes, serve self-love first before we can fully commit to a relationship, and maintain our own identity within this union.

We need to go within to gain a clear perspective when we get lost.

Anytime you are bickering over small stuff, it is a sign of a deeper concern; it is symptomatic of an underlying fear. Perhaps, you do not feel partnered or respected. When we have been in a relationship for some time, we believe our partner can read our minds, and we assume things. This is dangerous territory. Communication can keep us in a healthy realm; most of us are not psychics. Of course, with time, we get to know each other and our likes and dislikes, but reading emotions can be tricky; we set our partner up to fail when we expect this.

When an issue surfaces, it is good to consider whether the underlying concern aligns with your values. If not, and it's a deal breaker, practice speaking up for yourself. 

If you want to be in a healthy relationship, start with a healthier you. This shift will offer positive energy into your world, and with some practice in self-awareness and communication, your relationships will start flowing beautifully!

Drop me a note, and let’s talk about what is working or what leaves you feeling alone even though you are in a relationship.

"Should of" Thinking

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As a recovering perfectionist, “should of" thinking has caused a lot of anxiety in my life. What do I mean by this? It sabotaged any effort for genuine rest in my young adult life. Instead of relaxing after a hard day at work, I would torture myself with a running list of all the chores I should be doing, and then I’d force myself to spend hours on stuff that, in the big scheme of things, was really insignificant. In these early years, I cheated myself from true self-care in an attempt to be perfect in everything, over-achiever mentality.

As I’ve matured, I have realized the value of my own thinking, priorities, and passion, and let’s not forget the importance of mindfulness - being in the present moment is to our lives. I am not obligated to do anything besides what I decide is important. If I value it, I’ll be in the action mode instead of motivating from guilt.

Self-kindness and soul-searching why we are doing something is a better strategy for navigating decisions and efforts aligned with values. If we fully embrace this moment, we’re not thinking about what we should be doing; we are fully present and not in our heads. Why do we feel so obligated to standards that are often unrealistic? Whose standard is it? If it were something of value to us, we wouldn’t have to torture ourselves into action.

Perhaps as a positive spin, think of all we’ve done instead of focusing on what isn’t enough!

I’m all about self-love today. What about you?

Just Enough

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It seems like we all start out striving to get everything, which is exhausting. The more we get, the more we have to manage. Still, we want more. It wasn’t until I started embracing spirituality that I realized the value of simplicity and the blessing in having just enough. And, when abundance comes knocking at our door, we must remember that this gift can be shared with a pay-it-forward perspective. 

There is an energy connected with gratitude, which seeds kindness, and with the foresight of others, there becomes a nurturing abundance for all.

It is an invaluable garden that is part of all of our lives; all we have to do is realize this. And, when our vision is skewed by the focus on desperation for more, we will never be fed from this garden. Gratitude gifts abundance, and when shared, it's all the better. 

It is necessary to see the intangibles in life instead of the tangible stuff. It is all just stuff!

Growing up in a poor environment and then striving to make good money with a 6-figure salary eventually taught me that there is a greater value than that which money gifts. When we share our God-given talents with the world, which energizes the greater good, we create from our passion; fundamentally, it stems from love.

I believe love's power is priceless, and it is within every human being regardless of material well-being.

If you are worrying about the lack of something, start recognizing how you have survived and managed with what you actually have. It is critical that you shift your energy from not enough to just enough, which will gift growth in your world instead of scarcity.

Does this resonate with you? Leave me a note and let me know your thoughts. I’m curious.

Power of Synchronicity

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo- Laughlin, NV, a synchronistic destination I stumbled on while traveling on the West side of Michigan; it was on the sign at their little airport as we drove by. The vacation we later took there was beautiful.

When I think of synchronicity and how powerful this is, it reminds me of an experience I had on a trip with my boyfriend. We initially had to reschedule this birthday getaway that I had planned for him until after my father had passed; we were actually on our way to this destination, and we turned around after I received a call that my dad had suffered a massage heart attack. A couple months after he passed, we went on a much-needed break. While we were exploring Goderich, Canada, I stumbled on this salon where we had a couple’s massage. As I checked out, I saw this little handwritten note pinned to the wall behind the receptionist; it had a psychic’s name on it. When I inquired about the name, the receptionist said she was not familiar with the woman and she had never actually noticed the note, but she checked with another employee, found the phone number, and called to see if this psychic was available. We were able to get a reading that evening.

We drove over to our given address; it was a nice home overlooking the lake, and the sun was setting as we sat at her kitchen table. It was beautiful. The psychic was to my left, and my fiancé was to my right. Across the table from me was an empty chair, and there was a large window where we had front-row seats for the sunset. We paid for 1 hour for the two of us. The woman who read us was kind and soft-spoken; she seemed sincere.

For most of the hour, she explained a great deal about how the universe worked, and while this information was in line with what my fiancé was curious about, all I cared about was the hope of my father coming through and the information she had been sharing made me feel irritated. While the two of them carried on a conversation, I could actually see, in my mind’s eye, my father sitting across the table from me. I kept thinking, “Come on, Dad, interrupt her!” And he just sat there and smiled. A couple minutes before the hour was up, my finance turned to me and asked if I had any questions. I told him it was too late and our time was up.

This is when the magic started, at least how I sensed it.

The psychic asked me if my father had passed, and I nodded yes. She asked if it was recent, and I told her a few months ago. She communicated he was there and wanted to speak to me. She then proceeded to share so much detail about him/from him. So much so that I went into an ugly cry; my tears were uncontrollable. My boyfriend hadn’t seen me like this before, not even during the funeral. Whether you are a believer or not in psychics, this evening was life-changing for me.

I received all of the validations and assurances I needed to convince me that my father had crossed over and was now part of the spirit world and was still around me. This was pivotal to my bereavement process. 

Synchronicity was a play in this experience. I wished I would have taken a picture of the little note I noticed on the wall, it was barely noticeable; had I not chosen this spa and seen it, I would not have received this validation. It helped shift my energy from sorrow to a place of light.

What are your thoughts on synchronicity? Do you believe in it? What about psychics? Share your experience with me; I would love to read about it.

Your Shadow Self

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I truly believe if our present moment isn’t fully embraced by our genuine selves, we are not living to our full potential, which can cause future problems. If we’re not present, we are unable to feel the experience, we are unable to follow our spiritual intuitive path or choose the best choice for us, and because of this, we may end up living with regret or shame as a backlash to such choices and behaviors.

The older, wiser version of self today can be very hard and critical on the younger you, but the bottom line is that you didn’t know then what we know now, which makes a big difference.

This younger version of self can be stuck deep within. Suddenly, you may recognize a faulty pattern but do not understand why you are in this dysfunction.

The younger self is trying to find his or her way out, but it is difficult without the conscious self’s help. You might have bizarre dreams symbolic of what is suppressed within the subconscious mind, you might have uncontrollable mood swings, or you may not understand why you are just, overall, unhappy. This is when you need to surface your past self, hug him or her, and honor that these choices have and continue to shape you; you must accept this shadow part of self in order to accept and release the past.

Do you have a shadow you are trying to forget? If so, Google shadow work, and you’ll find a flurry of information to help you step into the present moment to gain clarity and insight.

It is interesting and life-changing work. What are your thoughts?