The loss of our daughter, continued...

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It is heart breaking to read about the loss of a child. But it is so empowering to see someone survive such a loss and find purpose in its aftermath.

Lydia shared, “I truly believe that things happen to us on LIFE, because we're supposed to (GOD wants us to) do something with it. I think I've finally found my purpose in life. My mission is to raise awareness about both Asthma and organ donation. Here is the RIBBON that w/ the HELP of my Family & Friends on FB, I was able to have created & added to the "RIBBONS" page on FB. And, it's the 1st one of it's kind (ASTHMA) on FB, one of the largest Social NETWORKING site around. How cool is that?”

What have you survived that has gifted you with the strength to move forward and persevere by helping others? What is your mission? Share your story with me and my readers!

An act with required recognition feeds the ego, continued...

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This article has really caused me to look closely at my volunteer work and charitable giving. I do look for recognition and this in itself helps to motivate me to continue to give. At the same time though, I have gifted anonymously in the past and I do still feel joy from this type of giving. I think if I had more to money to give I would do more of the random acts of kindness anonymously. It is pretty cool to leave this mysterious karmic gift to someone and then run for the hills; things like paying for the order behind you in the drive through or another tables bill when your dining out.

Do you think your just feeding the ego when you wait for the clerk to look before you put the tip in the jar or is this still giving from the heart? Drop me a note and leave your thoughts. I'm interested in what you have to say!

The most powerful means are words, continued...

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I've been on both sides of the "bullying" spectrum and I'm ashamed to share this. I was in kindergarden when I actively participated in picking on a fellow classmate for a short time. I was part of the crowd as apposed to someone who stood next to her and helped push back. I often think about this person and I wish her well and pray for forgiveness for my name calling.

As I grew and moved into middle school I made a choice to start going to church with my parents and at that time I decided to give up wearing pants. This phase of mine actually lasted a couple of years. I remember being called a freak by someone at school. The words did piece me. It gave me a glimpse of what I did to my classmate earlier in life.

From that point forward I became the person who stood up for others who weren't really embraced by the main-stream. As a teenager I gave up my dress wearing choice and became somewhat popular in my little circle. I was aggressive and full of life. I took this into my adult years and became a leader in my life. I'm proud of my adult reach to others as I always work to help those in need.

What are you doing to help others? Were you bullied, the person bullying or a by-stander? Share your story.

To share his story, continued...

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It seems it doesn’t matter how much we give, we always feel we didn’t give enough somewhere deep inside. Joleen discussed the guilt she felt relevant to her father and their struggle through Alzheimer’s Disease. From an outsider’s view, as I’m someone who reads her blog and knew her father Frank Senior, she was and continues to be a loving and brave soul, supportive beyond belief; I’m sure she has made her dad proud!

She shared, “There’s a LOT of guilt along the way. Guilt about putting him in a home against his will. Guilt about living your life while he’s locked up scared and confused. Guilt that you can’t hold his hand 24/7, 365. So it IS better that he’s gone and at peace now, that’s all he wanted. And now we can start healing and try to live the next chapter of our lives.

I feel Dad’s presence. In the moon. In sunsets. In special ways. I talk to him every day. I know that we’re somehow still connected. And I look forward to the day when I get to see him again!”

In closing, if you know someone who is suffering with Alzheimer’s Disease or who is supporting someone coping with it, Joleen suggests looking into this company.

She communicated, “CareScout is a national company I recently stumbled upon which sounds like it may be an affordable option for more people. Here is an email response I received from them.”

‘CareScout is a leading risk management partner of insurance companies and has been helping Americans make informed long-term care decisions since 1997.

Our company was founded on the principals of helping families evaluate quality and cost of care. To that end, we are objective by not collecting fees or any sort of payments from care providers. Due to that, we have a solid track record of negotiating discounts that can more than pay for our service.

The retail price of our service is $499 although we are currently offering it as a special for $350. You mentioned that you were happy to see we are nationwide and I’d like to tell you a couple of other differentiating factors. We don’t charge by the hour and the price is all inclusive. The price is for an “episode” or event, which could be anywhere from weeks to several months. The end product of our service is to find specific services that are appropriate based on their needs, timing and price.

I’d love to chat with you further to answer further questions you may have. Please feel free to call me at the below number anytime.

Thanks again for contacting us.

Sarah

Sarah C. Howes
Marketing Leader

__________________________

CareScout 
230 Third Avenue, 2nd Floor
Waltham, MA 02451
Toll Free: 800-571-1918 x313
Direct Phone: 781-966-3313
Direct Fax: 866-933-1772
EMAIL: showes@carescout.com’

Can you relate to Joleen’s words? If so, leave a comment and let me know how.

Blissful Silence, continued...

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Wow, I really never knew what embracing silence really meant while I was working and trying to keep up with a very demanding lifestyle. Running around 24/7 and never putting me on my list caused me to develop this thick skin that I thought was just as beneficial as quiet time. I just accepted my circumstances without trying to take the time I now know is necessary for my inner peace. This thick skin was my survival mechanism keeping in as a way to cope not my savior!

Today, there are 4 teenagers making their way through my world as they find their way in their own. It makes for a loud and busy life but I have still prioritized meditation within this craziness. It is the key to my clarity. It renews my faith and refuels my spirit like nothing else I've find. I'm hopeful my article will entice you to give silence a try. It is very therapeutic.

Give it a shot and drop me a note to let me know what you think!

An anniversary of a loved ones death, continued...

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Unfortunately we have all experienced loss, it is part of life. It continues to tug at our hearts and souls daily. I'm sure most of you can ramble off very significant dates of hardship you have coped through and continue to work through as each anniversary arrives annually.

I loss my father in May of 2008 and then lost my job shortly after on October 17th. Both losses were devastating to me although, of course, the loss of my father was much more traumatic! I'm not taking my job loss lightly but many will come and go over my career but I have only one dad.

I feel really lucky that exactly 1 year, to the day, after my Dad died, my niece had her daughter. This precious little life gave us all cause to celebrate on this very life-altering date. Not everyone is as fortunate as we are in getting such a heavenly gift so timely but she was and continues to be greatly appreciated.

Bereavement pain is so awful and soul retching but it is universal. As we learn how others have released their tie to particular dates, it helps us to overcome in the same way. Can you share your story of perseverance with me and my readers? I'm hopeful your story will help empower us!

Music was his happy place, continued...

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I love the passion Joleen has and how devoted she is to helping the world. It is apparent she is one of Frank Firek Sr.’s children; he was a very passionate man and always on a mission! He and his wife spent a lot of time mentoring Detroit inner city children in a non-profit reading program they developed and maintained for years. I spent a lot of time with Frank in the business world. We negotiated our way to win-win contracts many times. And, through thick and thin, Frank was always there to count on!

When I asked Joleen if she had anything else she would like to share with my readers, she offered the below information.

In her words, “I hope that my family can make a difference with legislation on a few topics.

First off, we hope to influence changes in in-home professional care hiring standards (i.e., background checks). We have talked to key people in the Michigan government and look forward to helping with this movement. People in need should be able to depend on professionals they hire for help; they shouldn’t be afraid of being taking advantage of.

Secondly, I think the law against assisted suicide should be overturned. I think that the fact that we aren’t given a chance in this country to choose our own End of Life Strategy is ludicrous.

After his diagnosis, my father made it VERY KNOWN to friends and family that he had NO intention of going out slowly and taking everyone down with him along the way. He was adamant about taking his own life when he felt the time was right. He never shared with us his chosen means for doing this, as he didn’t want us to be held legally accountable for having known nor helped. All we could do in the matter was watch his clear mindedness turn blurry with the disease, clouding his judgment of what defined a good day vs. a bad day and quality of life. At some point, it became clear to us that he simply could no longer problem solve his way through his original plan. And we weren’t legally allowed to help. So he had to be put in an assisted living home eventually, which was absolutely against ALL of his wishes!

I believe that if a person is educated on the topic of their incurable disease and they therefore choose to prematurely end their life, they should be allowed to do so with dignity. The fact that a person’s only option to end their life (without getting others legally involved) is to do it alone is unconscionable. Why should a person who’s surrounded by loved ones in their life be forced to die alone like an injured animal? It’s humiliating. We take mercy upon even our dogs and cats and allow them to be put to sleep. Why should we treat our beloved family members differently? I don’t think it’s humane.

Plus, the astronomical figures of rising healthcare costs for the elderly, in particular Alzheimer’s sufferers, is no longer manageable. It requires too much money and resources over too long a period of time that most people cannot afford to adequately take care of themselves. And, the number of new cases are rising exponentially. (see statistics on my website)

I could go on and on about the healthcare system in this country and how they treat people with Alzheimer’s like they have leprosy but I will get off my soap box for now. It’s just that, after the way I saw my dad drugged into oblivion in the psychiatric ward against our/his will, I realize that the medical community is going about this all wrong. These people have to be treated with love and respect, not fear and intimidation. Sometimes the only thing that is still recognizable and comfortable to them is their spouse; shouldn’t family caregivers be financially reciprocated to stay at home and care for their loved one vs. throwing them into an assisted living facility where they will be a drain on limited resources, plus alone and confused…? Until a cure is found, this horrendous disease IS coming to knock on all of our doors.”

Are you supporting a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease? If so, can you relate to Joleen’s feedback? Drop me a note about your experience.

Family photo by Amanda Coulon, Focal Point, Inc.