Unraveling the Chaos

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Drama, drama, drama, is it all around you? Could you be provoking it or at least energizing it a bit? It is really important to show up honestly if you want to put out the fire that seems to be burning up your life.

How can you dowse these flames? First and foremost, self-awareness is fundamental to your success.

By acknowledging the drama, you can stop the chaos that is center stage in your life, so STOP it! Figure out how to get your adrenaline rush from healthy sources like exercise instead. If you are channeling energy into the drama of others, WHY are you doing this?

Negativity attracts negativity. You have to stop feeding the beast and instead release its shackles, proactively create peace in your life, and shed light on the darkness.

The source, TinyBuddha.com offers many quotes about drama, this one by Eckhart Tolle sums it up nicely, “When you are not honoring the present moment by allowing it to be, you are creating drama.”

It seems difficult to honor the present moment when we have other people in our lives, and, of course, we cannot control them. But, once we can surrender to the fact that we do not need to control others and all we need to do is control ourselves, we become empowered instead of disempowered by drama. This is key to unraveling the knot of chaos and manifesting balance.

Does any of this make sense to you? Do you think it will make a difference in your life? Give it a try, and let me know if it works out or not; you and your loved ones are worth it. Shed some light into the world and stop feeding the darkness. 

Birth order, continued...

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Click on the below article link to obtain background information to this blog post:

Examiner article

So, as a youngest child I most certainly do not fit his description of selfishness but the more I researched Adler's birth order theory, the more I realized how my upbringing involves less of the influence because of other factors he mentioned. There were only 5 years between my oldest sibling and me with 2 other siblings in between us. We were economically poor so I believe the whole “spoiled” thing with the last-born was not applicable to me. Darn, I think I missed out:(

 There are other factors that interfere with birth order impact also.

Adlerian.US explains, “A child's birth order position may be seized by another child if circumstances permit… The child's opinion of himself and his situation determines his choice of attitude… Birth order is sometimes not a major influence on personality development. The other potentially significant influences are: organ inferiority, parental attitudes, social & economic position, and gender roles. Adler speculated that birth order differences would begin to disappear when families became less competitive and autocratic, and more cooperative and democratic.”

I have a sister who is 13 months older than me and she seemed to steal my limelight (or "seize" it in Adler's words). I think she is a better fit for the youngest child profile. As a child and as an adult, I am someone who loves to share; it feels good to share things and experiences with others. It warms my heart.

I grew up in a dysfunctional household developing while I (and my sisters, brother) were trying to survive the impact of alcoholism. I think, because of these circumstances, as apposed to being someone pampered as the youngest, I almost felt invisible and, at the time this wasn't a bad thing. When the household is devoured by a drunken rampage, blending into the wall is something that becomes a coping mechanism.

It took self-awareness, an open mind and a willingness to heal as an adult to overcome this in order to find my confidence and voice.

Although my family dynamics skewed the application of Adler’s birth order charting, I do believe it is a good starting point when working with a client.

What are your thoughts?

A Happier You

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We must be responsible for our own happiness, which starts within, as opposed to putting this responsibility in whole on outside factors.

According to Psychology Today  “…it is important to realize that there are many components to happiness.  If you are feeling sad, then you may be prone to focus on what is wrong with you that makes you unhappy.  When you realize the role that life situations play in happiness, though, it helps you to see how changing your environment can also change your outlook on life.”

When we have sources external to us that are affecting our moods, it is important to identify and address these aspects that may be draining our spirit. We must put this action in motion if we can remove ourselves from a negative environment. It is important not to underestimate how draining an unhealthy environment can be to the spirit, but we must also realize that we can’t control others; we must be responsible for our own emotional state.

We must take ownership of our present moment and our own destinies. If we’re not living our dreams, we must take control of the reigns of life and change direction. Happiness is not a destination; it is a way of being. I recommend you surface your creative spirit and allow this expression to help a happier you rise in the present moment.

Talk to me about a happier you; what does this person feel and look like?

Conflict is Natural

 

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I used to think of conflict as drama, but as I’ve grown older, I realize that society has influenced this perspective. If I ran from conflict, I would be exhausted. And it would feel like I am running from life; it is a natural part of life. Why? Because we are all individuals. I really believe conflict can be a good thing. When I think of my relationship with my fiancé, for example, while he and I have similar ideals and dreams, our strategies for getting there are very different. I love this about us. We are both good people with good intentions and both creative and intelligent, but almost anytime we are problem-solving, we’re looking at it from different angles. It is pretty cool. A relationship is made of two individuals, and it is when these individuals lose themselves within the relationship that identities get lost, and when this happens, relationships turn to the worst. When we can embrace our individual selves and allow the relationship to complement each of us, it thrives in a positive light.

Yes, I am not denying that conflict can be bad, when charged negatively; it is destructive. Differences can turn into bickering, which turns into arguments, and then into revenge, and on a big scale, this can turn into war. But it isn’t the word itself that creates such havoc; it is the energy given to it that either lights the world or darkens it. Words can empower or disempower; once they are stated, you might be able to say sorry, but the bad stuff is hard to forget. Be intentional with how you speak to yourself and others; if you are in conflict, be respectful; otherwise, you could regret it.

Talk to me about the conflict in your life. Can you see its light? Share with me.

Bejeweled Blitz

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I must confess I am a fan of Bejeweled Blitz; I like the classic game. Perhaps it draws me in because of my competitive spirit, or it is tantalizing to the child in me, but at least a couple of times a week, I like to settle into the game, mostly late at night, and I continue to push for higher scores.

I used to feel guilty about this pastime because it wasn’t productive, but we need some downtime and fun for us to be efficient and productive, so I’m not as hard on myself about this any longer. Do not misunderstand, if I was playing hours and hours each and everyday, this is not a healthy. The keyword in the article is moderation. Also, perhaps it is the mom in me, but the research offers “casual games” like Bejeweled Blitz as being productive, so if it is a violent game, I’m not sure it meets the grade as far as being positive, at least according to this particular research.

The impact of violent gaming is controversial and beyond the scope of this article. I like more calming or upbeat games. I think whatever we interface with creates energy that dwells with and impacts us. I want to boost my light, not any darkness!

What do you do with your downtime? Do you play any online video games? Drop me a note, and let’s talk about it.

Surprise Yourself, it is Fulfilling

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Earlier this summer, I was surprised to find a bird’s nest in my hanging plant that I often move to the shade on my porch and then back to the sun on a hanging rod next to my driveway. It seems these little birds thought it was a good refuge, although I was worried about them after I discovered it. It was rather mobile and flimsy, although it worked out for them as temporary housing because later, I found the nest empty except for a broken eggshell.

This kind of surprise is amazing; being on the sidelines of nature in the process is pretty cool. I think the birds were Finches, but I’m not 100% sure as I’m not an avid bird watcher.

It is interesting to me to see how people’s personalities shape the activities around them. For example, we were recently going to give my aunt a surprise birthday party, but when my uncle was notified, he advised against it. She really isn’t the kind of person who likes surprises, although the gesture came from our hearts. Perhaps it wouldn’t have been perceived this way, so we didn’t pursue it. Later when she found out, she vetoed the thought altogether!

She is a kind person, but for her, the surprise might have been more of a stressor than a fun-loving celebration as intended.

We can surprise others, be surprised by others, or sometimes we surprise ourselves.

I like the thought of overcoming a lack of confidence when we perceive something to be beyond our reach but push through successfully and achieve despite adversity. This is so rewarding and surprising.

What are your thoughts about being surprised? Is it something you like? Leave me a note about it.

Thoughts of Substance and Strategizing Action

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I titled my article Thoughts of Substance while I leaned on Zapier.com to expand on such thoughts. They provided good content that discussed moving beyond the generation of ideas into a more decisive process.  

According to Zapier, "finally we come to the hardest part of the process. Recognizing which ideas are worth pursuing, and which should be dumped or put on hold. I'm not sure there's a solid answer to how you can go about this, but I picked up some clues to perfecting the process.

Lewandowski suggests using passion as a filter, which I'm definitely on board with. If you're looking at a huge stack of ideas (hopefully by this stage you are), you have to be ruthless about which ones you choose to pursue—we'll never find time to execute on every idea we have. And anyway, you'll probably find (at least I often do) that after giving them time to settle, you'll be much less excited about some of the ideas you've noted down. For Lewandowski, this worked as a kind of process of elimination.

‘Many of the ideas at the fat end of the funnel didn’t get much further because that passion wasn’t there — either for me or for others in the room,’ he wrote.

But I also love that Lewandowski pointed out using passion as a filter for your ideas doesn't necessarily mean you can only work on life-changing ideas. You just have to care about them enough to bring them to life.

‘Not everything that goes into the wide end of your idea funnel should be utterly change-the-world-I-have-to-make-this-happen-at-all-costs, yet at some point in that funnel from idea to product, someone will have to be personally convicted of the idea and want to fight for it.’

You must say "no" to some ideas you want to execute. It's pretty much inevitable. It's important to get used to looking at your ideas objectively and choosing the ones that have the best chance for success or support your goals, and letting go of others (or at least putting them aside for a while)…”

Speaking as a creative person, I believe my thoughts of substance are generated through a process that honors the manifestation of such thoughts. It isn’t about putting pressure to generate ideas but more about creating a space that respects the process.    

Tell me about your process of thinking, when, where and how it works for you.