Loss through incarceration

I posted the below interview on the Examiner.com in December of 2009. Several years later they closed their internet doors and took down the content. I'm hopeful the article might educate and perhaps surface empathy for those in the sidelines of this type of grief. 


I have never really thought of families who bereave loved ones through incarceration. Many innocent people love and lose family and friends through incarceration but unfortunately society isn't prone to empathize with this population even thought they had no involvement in their loved one's crime and suddenly, in a moment's time, this person is now out of their life. I can only imagine the confusion, hurt, angry and sadness that impacts all at once but, of course, I really don't know and hope I never live this experience. Bonnie has opened my heart to this type of bereavement. She is a wonderful person and we need more people in the world like her! I hope the articles helps you relate with them better.

Loss through incarceration 

We have no choice when a loved one is taken away from us.  It forces us to find our way through an emotional darkness to enable healing.   Grief recovery is an individual journey taking on many forms as it turns lives upside down.  Society is usually sympathetic to those coping with loss but what about someone whose loss was caused by incarceration? 

Bonnie Hilberer discovered, when her Son-in-Law struggled with the loss of his father, community support was unavailable.  The system took his Dad when he was found guilty of 2^nd degree murder, crippling the family! 

Bonnie communicated, “I watched the devastation; pain, anger and hurt my Son-in-Law and my Daughter went through.  The next few months were filled with anger, bitterness, and heartbreak; both knowing his Father had done this.  Shortly after, I realized I needed to start a support group of this type.  God had provided me with the tools through years of grief experience; both in personal loss and volunteering in grief support.   While this was not a loss through death, it was still an emotional loss and needed to be dealt with and understood.  Hope 4 Healing Hearts began October, 2008.”   

Her public support group meets the 2^nd Monday of each month and averages approximately 10-15 participants.  The forum includes non-denominational prayer, an overview, promise of confidentiality and open discussion. This non-judgmental setting promotes healing and offers resources.  It is free to survivors. 

Bonnie’s mission, “To follow the map God provided me – with His guidance I will try to help others find their peace through love and forgiveness.  God never gives us more than we can handle.  I honestly believe this.  Everything and everyone, in my life, has been there for a reason; to give me direction, to use my strengths and talents and to help others through their grief so they too may know God’s healing love.”  She continued, “Each time the group meets, I’m elated when I see tears turn into smiles.  When a new person joins the group, I love hearing everyone tell them they have come to the right place!” 

If someone in your circle is coping with bereavement loss through incarceration, Bonnie recommends you do not avoid or judge them.  And, do not believe everything you read in the papers.  Instead, offer non-judgmental loving support and encouragement during their time of need! 

Click her for more detail, www.hope4healinghearts.com