"Should of" Thinking

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

As a recovering perfectionist, “should of" thinking has caused a lot of anxiety in my life. What do I mean by this? It sabotaged any effort for genuine rest in my young adult life. Instead of relaxing after a hard day at work, I would torture myself with a running list of all the chores I should be doing, and then I’d force myself to spend hours on stuff that, in the big scheme of things, was really insignificant. In these early years, I cheated myself from true self-care in an attempt to be perfect in everything, over-achiever mentality.

As I’ve matured, I have realized the value of my own thinking, priorities, and passion, and let’s not forget the importance of mindfulness - being in the present moment is to our lives. I am not obligated to do anything besides what I decide is important. If I value it, I’ll be in the action mode instead of motivating from guilt.

Self-kindness and soul-searching why we are doing something is a better strategy for navigating decisions and efforts aligned with values. If we fully embrace this moment, we’re not thinking about what we should be doing; we are fully present and not in our heads. Why do we feel so obligated to standards that are often unrealistic? Whose standard is it? If it were something of value to us, we wouldn’t have to torture ourselves into action.

Perhaps as a positive spin, think of all we’ve done instead of focusing on what isn’t enough!

I’m all about self-love today. What about you?