List your strengths, continued...

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Examiner article

Okay, I did make a list of my strengths and my weaknesses, which I’ve included below:

Positives of me:

   1.     I’m a survivor  

   2.     I have a persevering spirit

   3.     I’m kind

   4.     I’m a good person

   5.     I am motivated

   6.     I can handle anything that is thrown at me.

   7.     I have a “can do” attitude

   8.     I am creative

   9.     I am spiritual

   10.  I learn from my mistakes

   11.  I am passionate about life

   12.  I am smart

   13.  I am genuine

   14.  I am happy with my Life

   15.  I am a good mother

   16.  I am a good partner

   17.  I am a good daughter

   18.  I am business savvy

   19.  I am getting healthier

   20.  I appreciate my sense of humor 

   21.  I’m a helper

   22.  I am a strong woman

   23.  I am compassionate

   24.  I love that I think differently than others

   25.  I am talented in the creative world

   26.  I love being forty-something

   27.  I’m conscientious

   28.  I’m proud of my work ethic

   29.  I’m ethical

   30.  I’m a good mentor

My weaknesses:

   1.     I’m overweight; I need to lose weight.

   2.     I’m tired a lot; I need to be more physically active.

   3.     I’m shy; I need to overcome my public speaking anxieties.

   4.     I sometimes care too much, I can be over-controlling.

   5.     I’m an overachiever; I lack balance at times.

I had more difficulty listing weaknesses than I did in listing my strengths. I do not believe I am narcissistic because I care a lot about others but I do truly believe in my core that I can take care of myself, I love myself and I love my life. Because I have self-love, I am better able to serve others. Yes, of course I have faults but I am always trying to learn from my mistakes and as I get older I am learning how to be true to my purpose. I am proud of my accomplishments and I am happy to be physically part of the world.

All of what I listed, I want you to be able to list plus many more of the positives. You, my friend, are priceless and I’m hopeful you realize this!

Good self-esteem will enable you to move forward in your life by leaps and bounds!

Do you have good self-esteem? If so, what do you think was a big contribution to you developing your self-esteem? Do you think our thoughts make a difference? Give me some feedback, I’m curious. 

Relation and self, continued...

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Examiner article

In the article I am discussing the concept of self and how whether we relate with others in a healthy way or dysfunctional way this is a result of our core beliefs and these beliefs are developed in our childhood and shaped as we grow into adults.

Much of the heartache in relationships with others is caused by dysfunctional beliefs connected with inappropriate judgments were projecting onto others or they are projecting to us.

I recently stumbled on this quote by Rick Warren, “Our culture has accepted two huge lies. The first is that if you disagree with someone’s lifestyle, you must fear or hate them. The second is that to love someone means you agree with everything they believe or do. Both are nonsense. You don’t have to compromise convictions to be compassionate.”

Yes, I believe that love for self and love for others is the answer to everything. If we can find love in our hearts it will trump any judgmental thought or belief. If we do not love ourselves we cannot have a healthy relationship with another person because without self-love deep down our convictions keep us from feeling worthy of someone else’s love; because of this, we’ll sabotage the relationship.

It is really deep stuff but with a little insight we can all better understand what is going on in our lives and correct things in ourselves if necessary!

What are your thoughts about life convictions? Let me know.

Being wrong, continued...

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Examiner article

It is so easy to get stuck in negative thinking patterns especially if we’re feeling down about our bad decisions. Perhaps you or someone you know is in a space of, “How did I end up here at this unwelcomed place in my life?” Ultimately we have to take ownership of our decisions, like it or not. If we do not take ownership, we’ll be in denial and unable learn from the experience. If you’re in denial of your past and you’re unhappy with your present day life, be accountable because you contributed to this.

This can sound harsh but it is our decisions that manifest into the world in which we are living as adults. The message in the article is to give yourself a break; stop letting the darkness of feeling wrong hold you back. Get over it and move on to bigger and better things.

When I was younger I used to be really hard on myself, I was a perfectionist and in this mindset there wasn’t any room for mistakes. This is unrealistic; an irrational pressure I put on myself that was really self-sabotaging. I’ve learned that this is not supportive and, instead, if I try my best to continue to better myself if I make a mistake, I practice treating myself compassionately with love. I would rather make a decision, right or wrong, then shy away from the situation in fear because I wasn’t able to make the decision.

Have you ever known someone who doesn’t make decisions? This person is just floating; no progress is made in his or her world. It is really unfortunate because right or wrong, decision-making offers growth to us.

So if you are wrong about something, admit it. If you can make the wrong right, then attempt to do so. Self-analyze to see what variables led you to your decision in order to understand where the process went wrong because ultimately you do not want to make the same mistake twice.

If you can find a lesson in the experience, then in my opinion you’ve done what you can and you need to give yourself the benefit of the doubt; move on!

We are all human; like it or not, we are not perfect. Love yourself for who you are, flaws and all!

Coping skills, continued

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Examiner article

I’ve written many times about life being a series of recoveries. We suffer, we persevere and recover and, if we’re conscientious about our life, we learn from all that we’ve experience, good and especially bad. When you look at life like this, you understand the need for healthy coping especially if you are practicing purposeful living.  

I mentioned that I work with incarcerated women in my article and I find this work really fulfilling. The material we use in our groups is based on Feministic theory, which I believe to be extremely empowering.

I’m happy to be part of a group that offers education and skill-building activities to women who are open minded about bettering themselves while they are serving time.

I am giving a presentation on Feminism this month at school; the foundation to this approach encompasses a belief that culture, stereotypes, objectification, social oppression, discrimination and/or basically any type of inequality impact us. Our worlds are full of barriers and we must realize these barriers and empower ourselves to overcome and persevere. Counselors create a safe place for client’s to explore internal scripts (things that have been told to them growing up that eventually they believed, such as “You will never be any good”), and self-talk, improve self-care and skill building with education and activities. We want to understand the client’s perception about the world, help them identify irrational beliefs, reframe them and then replace them with good ones. Much of the same can be done with coping mechanisms. It is important we turn to healthy channels in our times of need otherwise we’re hurting ourselves further instead of helping ourselves.

You may have been surprised by some of the coping skills I included in the article such as crying. This process actually physically detoxes the body so when we allow ourselves time to cry, it can soothe our spirit and it physically releases toxin.

My healthy go to when I’m hurting is anything creative. I will research and write an article, draw, or create something of some sort. If I’m not thinking healthy, I seem to get a short-term fix from sugary foods but this hurts me in the long run because I usually feel guilty afterwards. It isn’t a healthy choice for me but I am getting better at minimizing this choice!

How do you handle hardship? Leave me a note and let’s talk about your coping skills and options!

Client mindset, continued...

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Click on the below article link to obtain background information to this blog post:

Examiner article

I’ve said this before but I really do believe it to be true; anyone who goes to therapy is courageous. It is an intrusive process because the counselor must ask personal questions in order to understand the client’s beliefs, experiences, perceptions and overall his or her worldview. We have to be able to step into his or her world and poke around as gently as possible in order to gain an understanding. It seems like the premise of a good counselor/client relationship would be the basis of authenticity, a heart to heart connection. Being non-judgmental and unconditionally there with the intent to support the client through a self-discovery process that encourages positive change.

After reviewing the variables involved in the Systematic Treatment of Counseling I think it would be difficult to counsel someone who is in the first stage of change, pre-contemplation, not really feeling they need therapy; there maybe because he or she is court ordered to be in therapy. Considering this situation I would probably assume the person’s resistant level is high; he or she is fighting the process of healing because if the premise is that a problem doesn’t exist then there isn’t anything that needs to be addressed or fixed at least in the client's mind.

I can’t wait to be fully credentialed and in a practice where I can reach out and help people but it will be tough to interface with those who are struggling in life and do not have a desire to help themselves to get better.

For me this article is insightful because it talks about a foundational partnership for counseling success. The counselor must be good but also the client must be willing and ready to embrace the work needed to surface positive change.

Do you have any experience with therapy? If so, I’m curious if it was good or bad and what you think may have been contributing factors to your results. Leave me a note!