Self-love

Photo: By Kathryn J. Raths (the front of a book container I painted)

In the short time I have been working at Still WatersCounseling, in Saline, Michigan, I have sincerely been blessed with a wonderful work environment, heartfelt coworkers, and supportive owners who are well-credentialed therapists. The client base that shapes my day-to-day existence has kept me focused and has continuously challenged me to go deeper within myself and into their worlds. I am intrigued by each and every person whom my path crosses. As I witness the transformation gifted by each individual’s therapeutic process, I learn something new daily. It is a very individual experience. While many commonalities exist in mental health struggles, each person brings a unique experience. What works for one person may or may not work for another; considering this, it becomes a discovery process and an adventure. But, much of the struggle is heightened and prolonged because of the view of self. When we face the world being unkind and harsh to ourselves (often, this is the underlying belief of being a failure or feeling a lack of worth), we cheat on our own successes. This distorted belief blinds us, robs opportunity, and cripples movement forward; it energizes darkness and more suffering.

By enabling self-forgiveness, we can manifest self-compassion. Without it, our energy will continue to drain, and although we may be strong enough to keep pushing, the fight will always be a fight, and we will never be self-fulfilled or truly give ourselves credit for all our accomplishments. You can be the most successful person through a societal lens, but if you do not love yourself, you will believe you are a failure. You, my friend, are worthy of the miracle of you and all that your best self has to offer. All you have to do is plug into the movement of self-love and learn to celebrate yourself. Please do not give your power away by sitting around and waiting for others to do this. You are your best investment; you have your back, which is the most important thing to realize; run with this notion! Once you fully embrace this message and make it part of you, your light will shine brighter than ever, and the outside pieces of your life will fall into place and flow more peacefully, much like your inner self. This love and happiness authentically came from the inside out instead of the outside (material wealth only boosts happiness momentarily). Genuine love from the inside out is what feeling good in your skin is all about; it gifts long-term bliss. Bless yourself with the wonders of you. If you feel you have lost hope, tug on a lifeline for help, and seek local counseling, you are worth the effort!

Client mindset, continued...

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Examiner article

I’ve said this before but I really do believe it to be true; anyone who goes to therapy is courageous. It is an intrusive process because the counselor must ask personal questions in order to understand the client’s beliefs, experiences, perceptions and overall his or her worldview. We have to be able to step into his or her world and poke around as gently as possible in order to gain an understanding. It seems like the premise of a good counselor/client relationship would be the basis of authenticity, a heart to heart connection. Being non-judgmental and unconditionally there with the intent to support the client through a self-discovery process that encourages positive change.

After reviewing the variables involved in the Systematic Treatment of Counseling I think it would be difficult to counsel someone who is in the first stage of change, pre-contemplation, not really feeling they need therapy; there maybe because he or she is court ordered to be in therapy. Considering this situation I would probably assume the person’s resistant level is high; he or she is fighting the process of healing because if the premise is that a problem doesn’t exist then there isn’t anything that needs to be addressed or fixed at least in the client's mind.

I can’t wait to be fully credentialed and in a practice where I can reach out and help people but it will be tough to interface with those who are struggling in life and do not have a desire to help themselves to get better.

For me this article is insightful because it talks about a foundational partnership for counseling success. The counselor must be good but also the client must be willing and ready to embrace the work needed to surface positive change.

Do you have any experience with therapy? If so, I’m curious if it was good or bad and what you think may have been contributing factors to your results. Leave me a note!

Support your loved ones, continued...

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Examiner article

I have always been a person people have leaned on for help but I must admit, prior to the counseling program, advice seemed to be my middle name. In therapy, the counselor helps the client figure out what is blocking this person or to understand unhealthy patterns in order to embrace a healthier future. Through a line of supportive, delicate questioning, in a non-judgmental manner, this self-discovery process takes place.

I know, with my work in domestic violence, it can be discouraging to see someone continue to go back to a relationship that is dangerous and unhealthy but, until this person can figure it out and see the relationship through healthy eyes, support must continue.

In this scenario I might ask, “If your daughter was with someone who beat her, how would you help her? What might you say to her? Or, to your best friend?”

Many times the person suffering this abuse doesn’t feel good about herself and perhaps she grew up in this environment so it is familiar and feels like home to her, safety for this individual is a low priority. But, when kids are involved this might heighten the awareness.

Many times the survivor says, “He’s a good dad but not a good husband.” But, really a good father doesn’t hit or abuse the mother and create an unhealthy environment for the children. Questioning someone to find out if she saw abuse when she was a child and how this abuse made her feel can help her better understand that this is a form of child abuse even if the abuser doesn’t strike the child.

The message in the article is to first believe the person who is confiding “whatever experience” to you and secondly not to force your fix on them. Help them find their own way and be supportive of this.  

Bad mood, continued...

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Examiner article

This past week seems to have been a week from hell for me. You know the old saying, “When it rains it pours,” this has come to mind often over the past few day. I am emotionally and physically exhausted. And, it isn’t over with yet; tomorrow I go for a brain scan to rule out neurological concerns causing the tremors I’ve been periodically suffering. If you’ve ever been tested for something major, the unknown is pretty frightening but I need to push myself through this and, hopefully, when it is said and done, it will feel good to rule out the scary stuff or face it and overcome if necessary.

This process reminds me of the courage it takes to face the past, to challenge core beliefs and to tap into the uncertainty of the unconscious mind. This is what inspired tonight’s article.

When you think of someone who goes to therapy, do you believe this individual is weak or strong? I believe people who seek therapy are strong; they are making an effort to face their demons and improve their wellbeing.

Not everyone has to seek professional help but we all need some sort of support when we’re coping through challenge, a friend, partner, religious leader etc., whatever you are dealing with, gather your courage and face it but don’t do it alone!

The miracle question, continued...

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When things feel upside, go with your instinct and implement change!

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Examiner article

Here is a sample dialogue from Solutions focused.net offering an example of the Miracle Question:

C:  "I suppose I will feel like getting up and facing the day, instead of wanting to cover my head under the blanket and just hide there.

T:  Suppose you do, get up and face the day, what would be the small thing you would do that you didn’t do this morning?

C:  I suppose I will say good morning to my kids in a cheerful voice, instead of screaming at them like I do now.

T:  What would your children do in response to your cheerful “good morning?”

C:  They will be surprised at first to hear me talk to them in a cheerful voice, and then they will calm down, be relaxed.  God, it’s been a long time that happened.    

T:   So, what would you do then that you did not do this morning?

C:   I will crack a joke and put them in a better mood."

Most of the time the client who is in therapy actually has the solution to his or her problem and the therapist just helps this individual gain perspective. The miracle question is a great way to do this.

What is holding you back? Try the Miracle Question, it just might work!

Healing process, continued...

Click on the below article link to obtain background information to this blog post:

Examiner article

I seemed to strain my wrist working in the yard before my son's graduation. When this happens (it happens often), I try to stop using it for a while, I wear a brace and then it starts to feel better. I get aggressive on a physical project again and before I know it, the throbbing starts and a lump comes up in the center on the top of my wrist.

I just do not give myself enough downtime for healing. I think we do this more frequently with emotional pain. Do we really take something seriously that we can't see?

The pain of physical and emotional trauma is intertwined in a way. As the article says, "Emotional pain with manifest into physical pain if not addressed." Because of this it is just as serious or perhaps more serious.

I think it is easier to address hurt you can see like an injury to the body. It is tangible. And, although emotional pain is not visual it most certainly is real and it can become fatal if not taken care of.

What are your thoughts about healing both emotionally and physically?

Explaining unhappiness, continued...

Photo of Peter provided by Peter Spinogatti

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Examiner article

Peter Spinogatti continued, “Think deeply about the following universal fictions: Fiction: The goal of therapy is to raise consciousness. Dissolution: Start by not putting yourself down, and your consciousness will have been raised in every way that matters. Fiction: Learning how to cope is the touchstone of successful therapy. Dissolution: Learning how to cope can only happen when we start to feel better about what troubles us. The interesting question is why feeling only better and not feeling good? Isn’t that because better is necessarily perceived as good, but good is not perceived as better? Fiction: What we learned to believe in the past enabled us to be unhappy in the present. Dissolution: That is only half the story. What we learned was originally designed to do the opposite. It was learned at that earlier time to protect us from the future which has now become the present.”

His message, “Believe that there is nothing wrong with you. We really are children of God. You can believe this literally or metaphorically - the psychological result will be the same.”

Peter’s closing words, “Talking to unhappy people for thirty years as a therapist has taught me that all unhappiness is reducible to self-loathing which is, as it turns out, to be a demonstrable paradox and paradoxes cannot be solved by anything we do. It can only be dissolved.”

You may contact Peter via email or phone: Peterspinogatti@yahoo.com or (631) 424-0202