Say it out loud, continued...

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

I co-facilitated a recent group therapy session when another facilitator talked about the difficulty for clients to “say their story out loud” because it seems to bring it to life all over again. But, the reality is that bringing something to life that has been suppressed or repressed is actually a good thing, and this share of the story will help breathe energy back into your life. We all must tell our story to fully understand and accept it. It offers growth.

Once you can talk about it, of course, then you must work with a therapist to process the experience, whatever it is that you've tried to disown or ignore. What does this mean? Just as the counselor can help clean the slate to soothe the pain of sharing the burden, he or she will help dig beneath the experience at its core to feel and free its hold. This is hard work because it now involves you processing and questioning the feelings manifested surrounding the experience. It is an emotional process, but once you have bonded with the counselor, a safe place in this relationship is established, and this helps to enable you to tap into and own your vulnerability.

If you have a trusted friend or loved one, you can lean on this support to do the work. But, if you feel your world is at a loss currently, it is important to reach out for professional help.

With support, you can move beyond your past or whatever is draining you in the present to embrace a healthier you in the here and now. I am sure of this!

I may sound like a broken record as I spew about the benefits of mindful living and a good support system, but I believe in this. What about you?

Talk Therapy

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

I have written many articles about the here-and-now, present-moment living, and mindfulness; all of these concepts involve owning one's realities. I’ve also written many articles about accountability, acceptance, and surrender, which opens the door to the reality of our worlds.

Today’s article offers a rundown of the cause and effect of how someone’s world can come to feel out of control and how counseling can go deep into the root of this chaos and strategically realign with living the truth of one’s reality.

When we suppress as a form of avoidance or blatantly ignore parts of our lives because we can’t face this truth (i.e., repression), it only causes things to snowball, but at this point, our rational thought has already shut down. And, some individuals just cope in a world of chaos, it becomes their normal and they go about living an unfulfilling life; this energizes the chaos.

It takes a courageous person to walk the path of recovery. To let someone into the nooks and crannies of his or her life, offering their experiences, even the darkest ones, in order to reflect and dissect where false beliefs and thoughts have come from and how they’ve been energized. Imagine sharing your mistaken choices with a stranger. Pretty scary, huh?

But, engaging a healthier you is worth perhaps a bit of embarrassment and discomfort because once the darkness is aired, a heavy burden is relieved. It sheds light on the darkness. In counseling, you are participating in a safe and nonjudgmental space; it’s a place that honors authenticity. It’s a partnering relationship that requires you to show up with a will to address the darkness and motivation to embrace positive change. I’ve said it before, and I’ll say again, “You are your best investment worthy of any work required to surface your best self.”

Have you ever been in counseling? How was your experience? I’m curious. Leave me a note. 

Make Yourself Smile

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

Today, while I was in the women's prison, co-facilitating a therapy group, I participated in a meditation. It was an empowerment exercise about gathering and feeling our power. We first grounded ourselves by planting our feet firmly on the floor and sitting up straight. Then we started deep breathing. We pressed our hands together and then pressed our feet firmly onto the floor to gather our strength. Then, we released and repeated the process. The person who led the meditation instructed us, and as we released the energy, she told us to smile the victor’s smile. This was described as a half smile.

It got me thinking about smiling and all of the benefits this small thing can give us.

Amazingly, a smile can create endorphins (a feel-good chemical), lower our heart rate, reduce stress, and boost our immune system.

I mean, come on, we’re talking about a smile. Pretty cool, huh?

How often do you think you smile in a day? However often it is, I don’t think it is enough. I challenge you to be aware of your smiles and face each day with an intent to share more happiness with the world; let's smile away, my friend!

Welcome Summer

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

I am drawn to darkness; I like to channel my energy into lighting the world by soothing hardship one person at a time, including myself. It is important I realize that I, too, need self-love and attentiveness in order to be healthy enough to help others. I struggled with the full acceptance of my dark side for many years into my adulthood, but eventually, I realized that by denying or shaming this being who still breathes within me, I am energizing the wrong kind of energy. If I stumbled on a vulnerable young adult striking out into the world in pain today, I would reach out to this person to help soothe his or her pain, so why wouldn’t I do the same for the younger version of me who made such terrible past decisions? Does this past make the younger me a bad individual today, considering I am using my story to help others as a positive contribution to the world as an adult? I don’t think so. I can’t change the past, but I can use what I learned to shape the present moment and create a brighter future. The summer solstice is a great day to honor our past selves, darkness and all, in order to fully appreciate the light gifted by the first day of summer.

I always gauge myself to the light wherever I am in life. Whether you are on the dark side of the light or the light side, honor this place as a starting point. 

Symbolically, the summer solstice is a pretty spectacular day. I’m hopeful you will take a few moments to ponder and embrace this day or another one in the future to help brighten your world!

What trench are you braving your way through? Talk to me about it; I think it will help!

Doodling Habit

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

I love to doodle, so when I took my Expressive Art Classes last year and stumbled on this validating research stating that doodling is a positive activity in our lives, it gifted me joy. If you are a business person like me, consider attending a meeting where the presenter passes out his or her written material before the meeting starts and then encourages the attendees to doodle their way through the material while present. I know, for sure, that I would be much more enticed to stay awake, and, according to the research, I would actually retain more of the presented material by doodling.

It warms my heart whenever I see someone working the margins of their paper. I highly encourage doodling, and I love to look at the individual’s work of art once the meeting or session is finished. What does it say? Is it modern art, a border, mini-drawings, or word art? Does it look balanced, or is it lop-sided? Does it feel like it’s floating, or is it heavy?

All of these questions really do tie into the emotional expression of the artist, which is part of any kind of art we create. Creation is a way to process and express.

It is definitely something that I will keep in my life-learning tool bag.

Are you a doodler? Leave me a note or share some of your doodles with me. I would love to see them!

Teenage Choices

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

I’m not sure if you are the target of anger and mood swings from your teens, but I sure had a target on my back, and my teenagers held the bows and arrows for some time. It seemed like a time of continuous moodiness; between my fiancé and I we have 4 kids, all about a year apart in steps, so we went through these years one right after the next, seeing the moods, self-centeredness, and reckless behaviors play out one after the other for what seemed like an eternity. I’m writing about the hardship of our teenagers, but there were also many heartfelt moments, and the changes feel dramatic for them, too; it is part of their development!

I was empowered by what Medscape shared about the amygdala.

Medscape.com shared, “The adolescent brain… develops in a predictable way, in a very set back-to-front pattern (NIMH, 2001). The rear section of the brain, the cerebellum, is the first to mature. Cerebellar functions include physical coordination, rudimentary senses, and early thought processes; there is a corresponding increase in physical abilities as the school age child develops… Also, in the rear of the brain, the amygdala develops in order to control the emotional processes in the brain… This provides some insight into the early adolescent and the emotions that can be intense and unexpected as this portion of the brain grows and matures. The middle of the brain… then undergoes this conversion from gray to white matter. The basal ganglia, known as the "secretary" to the frontal functions of the brain, is in charge of organizing the brain and keeping it on time and on-task (Wallis, 2004, p. 60). The corpus collusum is attributed to such tasks as problem solving and decision-making; it is considered to be the origin of creativity and critical thinking (Wallis, 2004).”

When you put this all in perspective, how they act makes perfect sense. It helps justify the hardship a bit. Of course, it doesn’t make it okay for our teenagers to be reckless; it just means we have to be more involved and in tune with them in order to try to keep them on a healthy track while going through such inner transformation. It’s a tough mission but really worthwhile! For me, it has involved lots of prayer, and that's with amazing kids!

What about you?

A Neurocounselor

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC

The brain is one of the most fascinating and mysterious organs in the human body. Science has come a long way, but we have so much more to learn. I just started my last class in my Mental Health Counseling Master’s program, a neuroscience class. I love learning about the brain. A couple of semesters ago, I actually purchased a model of the brain so I can better understand and also educate my clients about what actually happens physically in the brain when an individual is suffering from mental illness.

We’ve often heard how our minds can make or break our moods; neuro-science proves this concept. Negativity and/or lack of healthy engagement on an ongoing basis can break down function in the brain and cause deficits. But what is more impressive to me is that the power of a positive interface can combat this breakdown and heal such damage.

I think the old days when cultural responses would write people off because of emotional distress are going to be a thing of the past: statements such as, “She’s a drama queen” or “It’s all in her head; she’s faking it,” is going to be proven otherwise. Doctors can now take images of the brain and see areas of concern. Neglect shows up in underdeveloped regions, and things like depression can be identified by the lack of certain chemicals and activities in areas of the brain. Videos of a person’s brain can actually depict what is functional and what is suffering illness, and medicine, along with psychological intervention, can target the dysfunction in hopes of rehabilitating it by creating new neuro-paths, which results in altered behaviors and health.

I’m in awe of the complexity of the brain and the mystery of it all as the field unfolds more discoveries. I’m curious and excited to learn as much as possible. It is pretty eye-opening.

What are your thoughts about neuro-science and counseling? Do you believe it is beneficial to blend the fields?