To share his story, continued...

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It seems it doesn’t matter how much we give, we always feel we didn’t give enough somewhere deep inside. Joleen discussed the guilt she felt relevant to her father and their struggle through Alzheimer’s Disease. From an outsider’s view, as I’m someone who reads her blog and knew her father Frank Senior, she was and continues to be a loving and brave soul, supportive beyond belief; I’m sure she has made her dad proud!

She shared, “There’s a LOT of guilt along the way. Guilt about putting him in a home against his will. Guilt about living your life while he’s locked up scared and confused. Guilt that you can’t hold his hand 24/7, 365. So it IS better that he’s gone and at peace now, that’s all he wanted. And now we can start healing and try to live the next chapter of our lives.

I feel Dad’s presence. In the moon. In sunsets. In special ways. I talk to him every day. I know that we’re somehow still connected. And I look forward to the day when I get to see him again!”

In closing, if you know someone who is suffering with Alzheimer’s Disease or who is supporting someone coping with it, Joleen suggests looking into this company.

She communicated, “CareScout is a national company I recently stumbled upon which sounds like it may be an affordable option for more people. Here is an email response I received from them.”

‘CareScout is a leading risk management partner of insurance companies and has been helping Americans make informed long-term care decisions since 1997.

Our company was founded on the principals of helping families evaluate quality and cost of care. To that end, we are objective by not collecting fees or any sort of payments from care providers. Due to that, we have a solid track record of negotiating discounts that can more than pay for our service.

The retail price of our service is $499 although we are currently offering it as a special for $350. You mentioned that you were happy to see we are nationwide and I’d like to tell you a couple of other differentiating factors. We don’t charge by the hour and the price is all inclusive. The price is for an “episode” or event, which could be anywhere from weeks to several months. The end product of our service is to find specific services that are appropriate based on their needs, timing and price.

I’d love to chat with you further to answer further questions you may have. Please feel free to call me at the below number anytime.

Thanks again for contacting us.

Sarah

Sarah C. Howes
Marketing Leader

__________________________

CareScout 
230 Third Avenue, 2nd Floor
Waltham, MA 02451
Toll Free: 800-571-1918 x313
Direct Phone: 781-966-3313
Direct Fax: 866-933-1772
EMAIL: showes@carescout.com’

Can you relate to Joleen’s words? If so, leave a comment and let me know how.

Music was his happy place, continued...

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I love the passion Joleen has and how devoted she is to helping the world. It is apparent she is one of Frank Firek Sr.’s children; he was a very passionate man and always on a mission! He and his wife spent a lot of time mentoring Detroit inner city children in a non-profit reading program they developed and maintained for years. I spent a lot of time with Frank in the business world. We negotiated our way to win-win contracts many times. And, through thick and thin, Frank was always there to count on!

When I asked Joleen if she had anything else she would like to share with my readers, she offered the below information.

In her words, “I hope that my family can make a difference with legislation on a few topics.

First off, we hope to influence changes in in-home professional care hiring standards (i.e., background checks). We have talked to key people in the Michigan government and look forward to helping with this movement. People in need should be able to depend on professionals they hire for help; they shouldn’t be afraid of being taking advantage of.

Secondly, I think the law against assisted suicide should be overturned. I think that the fact that we aren’t given a chance in this country to choose our own End of Life Strategy is ludicrous.

After his diagnosis, my father made it VERY KNOWN to friends and family that he had NO intention of going out slowly and taking everyone down with him along the way. He was adamant about taking his own life when he felt the time was right. He never shared with us his chosen means for doing this, as he didn’t want us to be held legally accountable for having known nor helped. All we could do in the matter was watch his clear mindedness turn blurry with the disease, clouding his judgment of what defined a good day vs. a bad day and quality of life. At some point, it became clear to us that he simply could no longer problem solve his way through his original plan. And we weren’t legally allowed to help. So he had to be put in an assisted living home eventually, which was absolutely against ALL of his wishes!

I believe that if a person is educated on the topic of their incurable disease and they therefore choose to prematurely end their life, they should be allowed to do so with dignity. The fact that a person’s only option to end their life (without getting others legally involved) is to do it alone is unconscionable. Why should a person who’s surrounded by loved ones in their life be forced to die alone like an injured animal? It’s humiliating. We take mercy upon even our dogs and cats and allow them to be put to sleep. Why should we treat our beloved family members differently? I don’t think it’s humane.

Plus, the astronomical figures of rising healthcare costs for the elderly, in particular Alzheimer’s sufferers, is no longer manageable. It requires too much money and resources over too long a period of time that most people cannot afford to adequately take care of themselves. And, the number of new cases are rising exponentially. (see statistics on my website)

I could go on and on about the healthcare system in this country and how they treat people with Alzheimer’s like they have leprosy but I will get off my soap box for now. It’s just that, after the way I saw my dad drugged into oblivion in the psychiatric ward against our/his will, I realize that the medical community is going about this all wrong. These people have to be treated with love and respect, not fear and intimidation. Sometimes the only thing that is still recognizable and comfortable to them is their spouse; shouldn’t family caregivers be financially reciprocated to stay at home and care for their loved one vs. throwing them into an assisted living facility where they will be a drain on limited resources, plus alone and confused…? Until a cure is found, this horrendous disease IS coming to knock on all of our doors.”

Are you supporting a loved one with Alzheimer’s disease? If so, can you relate to Joleen’s feedback? Drop me a note about your experience.

Family photo by Amanda Coulon, Focal Point, Inc.

To teach a lesson, sternly but with kindness, continued...

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It really amazes me how the Firek family’s bond strengthened during their hardship and how their compassion for human kind overpowered their anger as they followed through and participated in the court trial.

Joleen talked about how she forgave the criminals, “It was easier to forgive the boys and to simply look FORWARD. I don’t know how to explain how I accomplished that. I mean, I don’t like them. But I don’t hate them or wish them ill will. I hope one day they will pay back the world in kindness 100-fold for the horrible things they have done up to now.”

She continued, “I don’t talk about this openly in my blog or with my friends, but I think part of how I accomplished the forgiveness part had to do with believing in God. I sat in that courtroom, so tired from the past 2 years of my life (divorced, laid off, broke, exhausted caregiver) that I refused to take on one more upset. So I put it in God’s hands.”

Joleen offered advice to help others who are struggling through an overwhelming care giving situation, “There is a job position which sounds very vague and tends to be very expensive: Geriatric Care Manager, Care Advocate, Senior Care Expert, Care Consultant. We made the choice NOT to hire a Care Consultant. Knowing what I know now, BIG mistake! We had so many curve balls thrown at us within a 3 year period, we were exhausted. Not only that, but when it came down to needing a home for Dad which would tolerate violent residents (as Dad had become one), there’s no way to decipher one home from the others. Non-profits like Alzheimer’s Association are legally unable to tell you which homes on the general list are better or worse from the others; they can only give you a long list of homes for you to start investigating. Only an experienced Care Consultant knows the little differences!”

This is priceless advice from someone who is now working to help others impacted by Alzheimer’s disease. She is devoting her efforts into making a documentary about their journey with her father Frank. Learn more about their story by following her blog, Frankly Speaking: Alzheimer’s.
www.FranklySpeakingAlz.com/Funding. It is filled with family, love, sorrow and hope for a better future for others!

Joleen’s parting words about her father, “He wanted so badly to make a difference and leave the world a better place than he found it; he chose to do this one person at a time. He lived his life with a Pay It Forward mentality. I believe that most people who passed in his wake knew that he was someone exceptional!”

Photo credit, Karrie Martin~Wings & Roots Photography

Parallel illnesses; both her father and her dog were diagnosed with Alzheimer’s disease, continued...

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I met Essie through Facebook and it didn't take long for me to realize she is a loving soul! She invited me to be a guest host in a pet bereavement chatroom, at the Animal Love and Loss Network, which she is involved.

She has been an angel to me. The experience of touching and soothing others just 1 week before I would have to suffer the loss of my cat, helped prepare me in a way. Who would have known?

Essie has coped through much loss and suffering and she has been able to empower herself in its aftermath. She is a strong person!

She values her family; she has found a way to stop resisting the inevitable changes involved with her Dad's Alzheimer's condition providing her the opportunity to continue to love and appreciate her every moment with him. She lost Smoke but only physically; she is able to still feel her beautiful dog with her!

Her story is very empowering. Have you had any parallel experiences that overlapped from your world with a loved one and your world with a pet similar to Essie's? If so, can you share it with me?