Finding Hope Through Connection

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

I started my day by having tea with a wonderful friend; the connection was awe-inspiring. Feeling the bond and our sense of community (meeting at a local coffee house in a small town) is the essence of the human experience. It is how we can light the world we are in, especially when we are struggling. Where would we be without each other? We had a deep exchange where we unpacked our challenges as of late; the thought of suffering together most certainly involved a higher power.

As we departed from our morning of fellowship, we both said how we thought things looked pretty good, with a bit of dark humor sprinkled into the moment. Still, after our departure, things felt like they had improved. Our spirits hugged each other, which helped shed light on each of our paths. 

If your world feels dark right now, step into the light. Yes, it may seem out of reach. Still, with some concentrated effort, you can lean into some kind of connection (with an animal, child, friend, family, coworker, clergyperson, or through brief encounters with your community like at a coffee house, in the library, at the store or on public transportation). Sometimes just smiling at a stranger warms our hearts when we unexpectedly get a smile back.  

Where is the love in your life? I encourage you to go inward and sense your heart if you feel empty. Can you feel it beating? It beats for you; this is the wisdom of the body and self-love; allow the feeling to grow. With some grace for yourself, take some deep breaths, and remember you are alive and meant to connect with others; we can find hope through connection. Give it a try!

Happy Valentine Day...?

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

If you haven't noticed, I have taken an overdue break from writing the last couple of months, but today is a great day to get back on the writing wagon. Valentine's Day is both a curse and a blessing; when it is good, it is really good, but when it is bad, it feels horribly lonely. I am blessed to share my world with my husband and kids, but I, too, have suffered the hardship of Valentine's ghosts of the past; it isn't easy.

When I thought about an article tonight, I wondered what would be a good message and advice for those harboring broken hearts. Considering this, the best advice to give for a broken heart is to feel it. Does it sound like tough love to you? It may come across as feeling harsh, but as a practicing clinical mental health counselor, the client I am most worried about is the one who comes into my office with their feelings repressed. This kind of client has little memory of the past, is numb in the present, and really cannot understand what is wrong with his or her life, but most importantly AND heartbreakingly, this individual is not feeling joy either. We are human beings and are here for a feeling experience here on earth; if not, we are cheating ourselves out of growth opportunities found in the silver linings of heartache and the bliss of joyful memories.

If you do not love your life, work to love yourself first, which includes feeling both good and bad emotions/memories. We all have them. Give yourself permission to bereave the past selves, experiences, and regrets, and work to love you that you are in this moment! Celebrate you here and now; I'm sure you are worth the celebration!

Happy Valentine's Day, my dear friend!

Deal Breakers

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo 

If you feel you have lost your identity and/or you are often self-sacrificing in your relationship, dig deep within and work on developing your strength for yourself. This will alter your energy, better align your outside world, and gift a healthier you.

A broken self sends mixed messages because if we are unsure of what we want and cannot communicate what doesn't feel good for us, how can we expect others to understand our own needs?

We must mend our own fractures and be our own heroes, serve self-love first before we can fully commit to a relationship, and maintain our own identity within this union.

We need to go within to gain a clear perspective when we get lost.

Anytime you are bickering over small stuff, it is a sign of a deeper concern; it is symptomatic of an underlying fear. Perhaps, you do not feel partnered or respected. When we have been in a relationship for some time, we believe our partner can read our minds, and we assume things. This is dangerous territory. Communication can keep us in a healthy realm; most of us are not psychics. Of course, with time, we get to know each other and our likes and dislikes, but reading emotions can be tricky; we set our partner up to fail when we expect this.

When an issue surfaces, it is good to consider whether the underlying concern aligns with your values. If not, and it's a deal breaker, practice speaking up for yourself. 

If you want to be in a healthy relationship, start with a healthier you. This shift will offer positive energy into your world, and with some practice in self-awareness and communication, your relationships will start flowing beautifully!

Drop me a note, and let’s talk about what is working or what leaves you feeling alone even though you are in a relationship.

New Year Perspective

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC Photo of my watercolor Blujay painting

I think if you went back to my December and January blog posts from the last couple of years you would see a theme/pattern of attempted weight loss sagas. I have offered many types of eating strategies and exercise routines that may or may not have worked. I seem to weigh, on average, an extra 5 pounds or so per year from over the past 10 years. Most of us know this up-and-down process is discouraging and unhealthy.

This year I am starting the year with a gym membership, better sleep because of my C-PAP (sleep apnea) machine, and a will to persevere. I have gifted myself extra time to get my psyche in line, to cradle myself with encouragement and self-love. Because what I think is the most important component to any healthy lifestyle change is whether it is genuine and bundled by compassion. In the past, I have not been very loving to myself; this is self-sabotaging. I know that beneath the extra fat on my body is a toned and fit person excited to surface, and in order for this inner self to show up, I must appreciate and love the outer shell that I am currently wearing. I am good with all of this!

I’m excited about my prospects this year. I am in the final year of my Master’s degree in Mental Health Counseling and am starting to look at Doctorate programs in Art Therapy, which is my ultimate goal. I’m hopeful about the whole year from start to finish. It is a nice feeling!

Mentally and physically, I believe 2015 will trend more positive and I am fine with putting forth the effort and self-love to make this all happen! How about you?

Soothe the monster in you, continued...

Lifetime Art Impressions, LLC photo

Click on the below article link to obtain background information to this blog post:

Examiner article

I am really intrigued how a past incident can take ahold of the psyche and energize a toxin that causes dysfunction in the here and now. It freezes time within a layer of self and when you have low self-esteem it feeds a monster that continues to cause havoc in one’s life. Many times you wonder why each relationship hasn’t worked but you do not take the time to focus on the common factor, YOU.

We don’t want to deal with our dark secrets and, unfortunately, this is the very place where the healing work must begin! If past memories and experience have left you with bad feelings, figure these out.

Mental Health Counseling, year one graduate school, has been an interesting venture so far for me. I’m getting ready for a short 2-month break and I’m excited to start year two in January. Also, I’ve decided I do want to pursue a Doctorate in Art Therapy once I’ve completed my Master’s degree. I’m hopeful you’ve learned a bit more about yourself as I’ve learned more about myself this past year through the topics I've shared!

Drop me a note and let’s talk about it!

Love of your life, continued...

Click on the below article link to obtain background information to this blog post:

Examiner article

After my divorce I decided to take a necessary 1 year break from men. I knew I needed the time to clear my head, heal and focus on a future that prioritized my 2 little boys and our well-being. I needed to make sure I was happy with myself so I was healthy for my future partner. Many people don't understand the importance of this. If you can't find happiness on your own, how can you expect others to do it for you? After the year was finished I sat down with my kids and asked them, "What do we want in the man that I bring into our lives?"

Of course, I started with, "He has to like kids, preferably having some himself, of which he needed to have fought for custody of them during his divorce." This would affirm that family was important to him. Yes, I wanted someone who has been divorced. Someone who had been there and done that. It was necessary because I had no interest in walking down the isle again (at least not in the next 15 plus years).

My youngest said, "He has to like animals." While the oldest said, "He needs to like to cruise like we do!" Between the 3 of us we came up with 10 critical mandates about the man I was manifesting. We completed the list in November and by February this wonderful person came into my life. He met all of our criteria plus much, much more. We are so lucky and grateful.

We're still together today, several years later, and it only gets better with each year. I believe the only reason the universe gifted me with such a wonderful soul-mate was because I made sure I was ready. I could have easily bounced into the next relationship and bandaged my wounds with someone else but this would only have pro-longed my pain. The year break was critical for me to learn to love myself, without regrets, and hold my head high while I found my way to independence.

How do you feel when you look at yourself in the mirror? If your mind is filled with negative thoughts, work to quiet the hurtful static. Embrace positive feeling and move forward with love. Once you're sincerely able to do this, your true love will find you!