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Sandi Ramos-Radford continued
the interview.
In her words, “My story is
like that of many others. We sought out
every option, went through every door God opened for us, and got 10 months
before the cancer won out. During those
months, I sought out help from many, including trying to find resources to help
caregivers. If you’ve gone through this
process, you know they are almost impossible to find. So, you struggle along with everything you’ve
got to give, hoping it’s enough, knowing it’s not.
We were fortunate in having
family with us to help. My older
daughter lived within 16 miles and gave all the time she could while taking
care of her own family. My younger
daughter lived in Georgia, married to a soldier. He got a compassionate reassignment to a
nearby Army post. They sold their house
(no profit, of course) and moved in with us – daughter, husband, three girls
and three dogs. It made life bearable. Our girls and their families were a gift, and
I can never thank them enough.”
Sandi had an outlet, she
discussed, “Over most of those 10 months, I kept a journal. After Roy’s death, I browsed through it,
amazed at all we had accomplished as well as how much we had learned. One day, it dawned on me that I had a lot of
life experience as a caregiver to share with others, perhaps make their trips a
little easier. Thus, I set myself a goal
to write a book to help others on that journey.
I didn’t realize it at the time, but it proved to be a great catharsis
for me. It took 18 months and LOTS of
tears to write it. Finding a publisher
was fruitless, so I decided to get a subsidiary publisher. I put in part of the money up front, and they
provided all the expertise I needed to get it finished. I used Tate Publishing. They are very professional, had great
insight, depth of knowledge and showed a genuine caring for me. It was published in 2010. I believe God gave me a mission to reach out
to others and provide them with this resource.
I have hesitated from doing so in the past 2 ½ years, but I now feel the
timing is right for me to complete this mission. I wrote a book specifically for caregivers of
loved ones with life altering illnesses.”
She talked about her book, “
He Carries Me, is a faith-based book to help the caregivers of loved ones and
friends who have had a life altering medical experience.
The purpose is to help those who must take on
this role to understand the challenges, emotions, and spiritual hurdles one may
encounter by giving personal insight through my story.
I researched web sites concerning his illness
and, in doing so, found a lack of resources to support the caregivers of the
terminally ill.
My strength throughout
this journey was my faith and, at times, it was sorely tested.
I endeavor to help similar travelers on this
road to understand some of the challenges, know that the emotions felt by them
area normal, realize that there may be tangible patient support resources available,
and be aware that there is a presence to which they can always turn – God.
As I worked through this
project, I was reminded of the Footprints
poem in which Christ carried the writer during his darkest times, hence the
title. It is not a book meant to
evangelize or make Christian converts.
It is a word of hope and enlightenment to others who are caregivers of
the terminally ill or a loved one who can no longer take care of themselves. It is a written message to let them know that
they are not along, that there are many others with the same feelings,
frustrations, and losses that they are experiencing.
I originally wrote the book
for caregivers of terminally ill family and friends. Since it was published, I’ve found that
caregivers who have been thrust into the role also include those caring for
those with Alzheimer’s, Multiple Sclerosis, and many other debilitating
diseases.
The strengths on this book
are (1) that it’s written by someone personally involved in the processes
described; (2) the faith content is handled naturally through my own personal
convictions and experience; (3) it reaches out to readers and includes material
that’s directly related to them; and, (4) it’s an important topic that has
little published about it.
For all of these reasons, I
like to consider this book an essential resource for a caregiver. I know many
are lost in the abyss of overwhelming emotions and loss of direction. As I explain in this book, there is a way to
move through, over and around obstacles.
However, none can overcome the finality of the outcome. You just have to get there the best way you
can and pray for strength to do it.
As I explain in the book, you
are not alone -- not in the sense you may feel yourself to be. There ARE others out there who have survived
this. There is help for you after all is
over. I chose to seek a professional
grief counselor. It was one of the best decisions
I have ever made in my adult life, and I greatly wish that you consider this
option. There may be many loved ones
around you, many who have great faith, but they have not lived through what you
have. Okay, they may have had similar
situations, but THEY ARE NOT YOU. We
each approach these circumstances differently, and our needs are UNIQUE! But, a professional grief counselor has seen
death issues from many, many angles.
Don’t over think it. Just get
that help!
Sandi’s closing words, “After
three years of counseling and meeting all my what ifs and fears, I finally
moved forward. Roy specifically said he
wanted me to live on, to experience life to the fullest. At the time, I thought that it would be
impossible to do that. How wrong I
was!
I was most fortunate to meet
a like soul, Jerry Radford, almost three years into counseling. He had gone through a like experience, losing
his wife of 13 years to cancer 2 ½ years before. We share similar educational, professional,
and, especially important, spiritual backgrounds. The day we met, it was as if God was bringing
us home to one another. We have been
inseparable every since. We are aware of
the value of life and embrace it fully every day. The greatest part – neither
of us has lost our independence, yet we are interdependent. He does things that I don’t do and vice
versa. However, there are so many more
things we do together. He fully supports
my choices as I do his, but major decisions are made together.
Above all, remember others
will help you. Don’t lose sight of
yourself – that REALLY important.
Embrace life every day, for our days are numbered. Don’t lose your spirit or sense of humor; doing
that will devour your soul. Most
importantly, God loves you. He will not
forsake you. If you need to refresh that
thought, go back and read the Footprints
in the Sand poem. He truly does
carry us through all adversity. I pray
you find the strength to go forward with your role as caregiver, and I hope
that I have given you some insight and help on that journey.”
If you are local to her in
Virginia you can meet her and purchase her book in an upcoming book event:
Date: November 16, 2013
Time: 12:00 pm to 4:30 pm
Location: Charlottesville &
Albemarle American Legion Post 743025 Louisa Road, Keswick, Virginia
