Strengthen Your Family Bond

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo (I'm the youngest in the front!)

As a newly Limited, Licensed Professional Counselor, I am interested in helping families because a healthy family is the foundation of the success of our homes, communities, and so on. Considering this, I am curious about the dynamics of family therapy. I feel fortunate with my family; I wonder if I really did pick them before I entered my human experience? Although we’ve had our moments in the past, I can call any of my loved ones, and I believe they would help me in any way possible, and I would do the same for them. I do not take this for granted because I have seen many families who cannot count on one another in times of need.

If you can't count on your family, who can you count on for support?

The strength we get from those who can understand our life circumstances is extremely empowering. Although we may have grown up in the same environment, we can perceive things differently. This perception depends on many factors, like where we rank in birth order, our personalities, physical attributes, etc. But while we may live with perceived differences, we can better understand the lives of our siblings because of our overlapping journeys. When we care and are genuinely curious about individuals in our family, this attention gifts warmth and reciprocation. Just like in any relationship, there is give and take. But, if healthy relationships were never really modeled from our attachment figures and dysfunction was normalized in our childhood homes, developing stronger bonds as adults may be difficult. It is a work in process, and we often have to pick our battles by thinking about our values and choosing not to sweat the small stuff and take the high road. If you cannot initiate the interface, it may be time to take action and contact a professional for help. At least open the dialogue and see who might be willing to embrace positive change; it’s worth a shot!

If you are local to Southeastern Michigan, click here to find a family therapist.

Empowered by Authentic Self

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo- Follow your instinct!

Who we perceive ourselves to be and whether we see ourselves as capable of accomplishing our heart’s desires can make or break our success. If you believe you are incapable, your mindset and emotional backing can block you from being capable. If you believe you will fail, you are less likely to overcome the dark energy you exert with such force. Why does it feel so risky to hope for the best? Vulnerability is scary; it takes courage to be hopeful for a positive outcome. 

But the key to putting yourself out there is learning how to be a positive support to yourself, and in doing this, you must redefine the concept of failure. Every time you try something, it's a win regardless of whether you make it to the top; the experience teaches how to better push outside the box, and each time you try, you learn something about yourself if you reflect less critically. 

I have had so many clients who have said, "It's not worth getting my hopes up." However, I challenge them that it is worth it. So, if you tend to see life through a negativity bias, it is time to change this pattern and work hard to be more positive. You’ve heard the expression, “Fake it until you make it,” there is really something to this. Smile when you do not feel like it and cheer yourself onward towards bigger and better things because you are worthy. You do not have to pretend to see rainbows and butterflies but instead, try to mindfully focus on positive potential instead of perpetuating worry and putting your body through the distress of a future failure because when you do this, your body is experiencing the unknown reality of the future as a dark energy in the present. 

The perception of self is foundational to self-esteem; it encases and holds it up, and the belief in self fuels self-agency. But, believing you are unworthy or inadequate emits an energy that tells others the negative message, and suddenly, you are living a self-fulfilled prophecy; life steps up for the pummeling and attacks similar energy from others. 

So, think about all this, and then let me know what you are worthy of? I know it is greatness! If you think negatively, I want you to lasso the thought and then put your hand on your heart and counter it by using the word BUT. If you think, "I can't do this," then, instead, say, " But I can try!"

We must find our strengths and things we value about ourselves and hold onto these attributes to manifest more of the good energy and make it grow. If you are breathing today, your life has value, and you are worthy of a purpose; go out and find it. The only one you have to prove it to is yourself!

Sexual Assault Advocacy

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo- Our neighborhoods should protect us. 

As I sit and write this blog tonight, I am working on-call as a volunteer in Washtenaw County to support domestic violence and sexual assault survivors who may come forward over the next 12 hours. In Washtenaw County, if a person goes to the hospital and communicates that he or she has been assaulted, the state requires the hospital to call the police and an advocate to support the survivor. Advocates like myself provide an empathetic heart by going to the hospital, regardless of the time of night, to be at the survivor’s side, to talk with them to help process feelings, inform them of their legal rights and the process, and ultimately, to help with safety planning. Most importantly, an advocate is there to assure the survivor it is not their fault and to listen empathetically. No one deserves to be assaulted regardless of their situation (the what, when, where, or why). 

As a support person to someone sexually assaulted, it is important not to ask “why questions.” These types of questions, like, “Why were you there at that hour?” or “Why did you go alone?” only insinuate blame and, instead, this person needs support without victim-blaming.

It is helpful to encourage self-care and professional help so your friend or family member can begin the difficult trauma work, which is a long road, but through it, they can eventually move out of the victimization and instead become a triumphant survivor.

The number (800) 656-4673 is for the RAINN National Sexual Assault Hotline, and this organization can provide local contact information where you or your loved one can seek help.

Let’s stand together and strengthen our communities by arming ourselves with the facts of sexual assault; united, we can make the world a safer place and shine light into such darkness!

The Importance of a Positive Self-Concept

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

It is interesting to me how important our relationship with others (social concept) ties into our relationship with ourselves (self-concept). Why? Because I believe that although it is important to develop independence and appreciate individuality, we are meant to love and be loved. Our relationships encompass many different degrees of love, and without compassion for self or self-love, it is impossible to wholeheartedly feel the love of another.

We hear much about self-esteem and self-confidence, but I believe self-concept is more like an umbrella and encompasses many facets. 

I believe these 3 “S’s” to be most important to our well-being; self-awareness, self-compassion, and support.

With this agenda, and by embracing it authentically, we can improve our self-concept, which will, in turn, help us change ourselves and our world by positively impacting the relationships in our lives.

I’ve been working on tweaking my article all week because of the importance of my message about the power of positive self-concept. When you have it, you will shine!

Tell me what you think. Does this make sense to you?

Dream Work and the Psyche

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

I often wonder if I created a journal of my dreams over the years and published it, if I would be as rich and famous as Stephen King. I’ve had some pretty scary adventures over the years. As a child, a young adult, and well into my forties, I still have some nights filled with terror. I’m sure many of these earlier dreams stemmed from growing up in an environment tainted by domestic violence. Who knows how many years of nighttime trauma it took me to understand and work through such suppressed fear and emotion; it's been ongoing.  Of course, the awareness of this in my awakened hours has continued to help me process. I really focused on dream work during my divorce about 15 years ago. I did log many of my dreams and looked up the symbols and themes for interpretation. After unraveling the dream with help from my dream dictionaries, the message always seemed to make sense. The more I overcame my fears during my sleeping hours (the braver I got in my dreams), the more I pushed forward in my daytime life. I am convinced this link is very real and empowering.

Today, after achieving my Master’s Degree in Clinical Mental Health Counseling, I am even more convinced of this healing path.

These days, with the Internet at our fingertips, dream interpretation is easy. I use DreamMoods.com, among many other websites and books. I challenge you to write down a dream and consider the theme and feelings when considering its content, like the items, people, names, colors, places, and things in your dream experience. Look up each symbol, interpret it, and then combine the puzzle pieces to decipher its message. You will be as amazed as I have been and continue to be through the process. It leaves me awestruck each and every time I process a dream. It is a celestial gift that many of us never unwrap.

Give it a shot, and then let me know if it was helpful. Your psyche supports your growth and happiness while you are on this earth; do not miss out on this tool! 

Mislead by Distress

Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo- Your world is skewed if you can't see beyond the mirror image. 

My post was inspired by an interview Oprah did with former President Jimmy Carter. He was talking about feeling the world's weight on his shoulders as President of the United States, but this was not because he was self-centered or felt better than anyone else. It was because of the empathy he held for those in the world. He continues to do a lot of work worldwide in helping communities struggling to survive. He communicated that the more he has worked with those less fortunate (post-presidency), the more he realized that these people are not inferior in any way. They are intelligent, loving, decent people he is honored to interface with, learn from, and help. I could feel his empathy and the sincerity of his values.

I, too, have learned the value of empathy. As a child who grew up poor, I felt many adults and peers look down their noses at me through the eyes of individuals who felt superior. Why not? I was a scrappy little girl. I may have been this scrappy little girl, but a vulnerable, innocent child dwelled beneath my second-hand clothes. There was no mistaking the glares of those who didn’t have time for me in their world; the looks spoke volumes. Perhaps this drove me to work diligently to achieve stability in my life. As I became independent, it has been important for me to reach out to others and partner/mentor those less fortunate to empathize with them and extend a hand to help them move beyond the life difficulties that have held them back, which is not their fault.

My childhood motivated my work as a Mental Health Counselor. My foot is in the door as I hold a limited license with sincere hopes to help as many individuals as possible. I want to be a beacon of light that shines into the darkness to warm the world one person's heart at a time.

We'll make the world more loving if we are sincere in our efforts and can make a difference in even one person’s life! I challenge you to look beyond your own needs and reach to another because doing so, I believe it will give back 100-fold!

What are you doing to make the world a better place? Leave me a note, and let’s talk about it.

Learn to control your temper

Control your beast within! Kathryn J. Raths, LLC photo

We all know someone or have ourselves been a hotheaded beast at one time or another. It is embarrassing to see someone ranting and raving in public; it shifts the energy badly. Whether you are having anger management issues or it is someone in your circle, being in this environment is harmful to all who succumb to the toxicity. It is no fun to have to walk on eggshells around others. This type of atmosphere isn’t nurturing. Instead, it stifles growth. It causes unnecessary stress resulting in headaches, digestive issues, and high blood pressure, just to name a few consequential ailments.

As a young adult, I’ve previously mentioned being very vocal and aggressive when I felt someone was taking advantage of me. Today, I’ve learned to pick my battles and work to stay on the high road by better managing my emotional dysregulation. It is not worth the grief, but this doesn’t mean we should allow others to walk over us and sacrifice our morals.

There is a difference between being assertive (respectfully disagreeing) and being aggressive by hurting others with wrath. I like to think that I behave assertively and with heart. I do not let others take advantage of me. Still, when conflict arises, and I know I must address it, I keep my interface purposefully direct but convey my feelings without being confrontational. It is possible to speak your mind without throwing others under the bus. When you can project yourself into the other person’s shoes to understand their perspective, it makes you more compassionate and helps find an amenable solution.

The key is that we must be able to reason in these challenging situations; when we can logically process the interface, we are controlling our tempers by allowing our minds to seek solutions instead of succumbing to our emotions. It is possible to change; you just have to want to be healthier!

How badly do you want to change and control your temper outbursts? What are you doing to channel the anger? Let’s talk about it, leave me a note.