Tolerating harmful circumstances, continued..

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This article was inspired by my life and my marriage that I stayed in far too long. I stayed as long as I did because my mind lived in the future, in a dream that he would change. When I was gambling on this healthier future, I didn’t think about him having to be on board with my plan for this hopeful outcome to manifest. And, of course if he didn’t see a problem with his own behavior, how can he want to change it?

This eye-opening message was concluded in one meeting with a counselor who we visited prior to my filing for a divorce. It was amazing to me how this therapist was able to ask me what the problem was, listen, then turn to my husband and ask him if he saw this to be a problem, my husband responded by saying no and then the therapist turned to me and said, either I learn to deal with the behavior or I make a change because my husband was not going to.

It was straightforward. My dream for a healthy future with my husband was crushed; my rose colored glasses removed that evening. I filed for a divorce shortly after this meeting. I had sacrificed many years of my life and I didn’t want to give anymore unrealistically waiting for change. 

Today, I do not have any regrets about my marriage. I can honestly say I gave it my all. And, choosing to end the pain and hardship was the best option for me; I’m happy with how my life has evolved in the aftermath.

It really does depend on your comfort of life and your vision for the future. What will you put up with and how long will you sacrifice your wellbeing? If you’re unhappy and you can work things out, this is wonderful. But, if this solution isn’t feasible, you deserve better!

What are your thoughts about divorce? Should someone stay in a relationship that isn't healthy?

Release the shackles, continued...

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As I sat in my Pathology class this past week the instructor spoke of pain. And she talked about the toxicity of secrets; hurts from the past. Her message was to release what is kept deep within otherwise it becomes destructive.

Many times we are afraid to open up these dark places because we are ashamed to talk about past experiences, perhaps society will not approve.  But, the truth is everyone has a past and for most of us, it was unpleasant. If you are hiding from it, it is necessary to face it and dwell openly with this memory.  By airing it out, you will heal this wound.  The scar will always be present but you can use this as a reminder of your strength, your perseverance!

What are your thoughts about past hurts? Are you open about them or do you keep them hidden?

God's breath, continued...

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I wrote the quote, “God’s breath, a living force within, fuels resilience through soul-work.”  As part of an assignment for my Pathology and Resilience class at school. I do believe we have an imprint of God that is instilled within each of us at the time of conception (our transition from the spiritual to the physical). This breath is the connection between both worlds.

We feel it as the vitality of our being; when we’re in love, when we’re meditating or praying, when we’re creating, it is present and active.

To feel it more as a more heighten experience, all you have to do is embrace your soul-work. This awakens the spirit and enables you to intuitively live aligned to your purpose.

Once you feel this breath and you understand how it flows and where this empowering force comes from, you’re able to tap into this resilience anytime you need a means of recovery.

What are your thoughts? Do you believe in God? Where does your strength come from?

Shamed into a good person, continued...

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I have always tried, as a parent, to separate my child from his action when I was disciplining him.  I worked hard to keep my logic and to make sure I didn’t get lost in my anger causing me to inappropriately say something I would regret later.  It’s the mindset and message that the child isn’t bad but consequently, the decision he or she made is bad.

I believe knowing the difference between shame and guilt and the critical role this plays in parenting can make a significant difference in the health of the child as he or she grows into an adult.  Shaming someone is essentially depleting the self-worth of this person.  Although this type of behavior is common in our society, it is not a healthy approach.

Have you been shamed into a good person through childhood conditioning? What are your thoughts about this treatment?

Claim your space, continued...

Own you; don't distort your vision by living life apologetically.  Lifetime Art impressions, LLC photo

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I used to be a person who apologized for everything. If someone bumped me, I would say, “I’m sorry!” Timidly I found my way into the world. Today, I still have my shy and timid demeanor but I learned, as a young adult, that my apologetic approach was not serving me well.  This stance does not open doors and gift opportunities instead it fuels weakness.

I have to admit, it still surfaces but, because I have self-awareness about this concern, I am able to quickly reassess and gain my composure.

I remember in my early volunteer years within my community (at the hospital or a shelter) I made an effort to remain low-key and out of the way. Instead of being proud of my contribution, I was cowardly in my approach, downgrading myself.  If someone asked who I was or what I was doing in the organization, I would say, “I’m just a volunteer.” I now see that a volunteer is never “just a volunteer” these individuals are special. I am not paid for the time I contribute as apposed to the workers, I am there intentionally with a purpose to serve and because of this, I am special; I am a blessing and you, my friend, are too!