Beginning my journey through the storm or grief on Easter Sunday continued...

Click on the below link for background information to this blog post:

Examiner article

I met Judy through a Facebook Bereavement Group, The Grief, Loss & Recovery group . This is a forum for support to anyone who has suffered loss. As I interfaced with Judy I quickly realized what a remarkable woman she is and how she was able to embrace life again through her faith in the Lord and the creative outlet she found through music.

I believe everyone will probably question their faith at some point in their life. Judy's story reinforced my belief in the power of having Jesus Christ in your life. She was able to lean on this relationship and actually strengthen it during such times of sorrow. Her story is extremely empowering to me! What is your relationship like with the Lord?

She shared memories of her own daughter, continued...

Click the below link for back ground information to this blog post:

Examiner

Naomi Cole is my brother's mother in law and a family friend. They moved into our neighborhood when we were growing up. She is a remarkable and loving person. I can't even imagine losing a child, as she said, "A parent shouldn't have to lose a child!" It's clear she embraced change and the spirit of survival which gifted her with strength and motivation to move on.

Her advice to others going through this life-altering loss, "Focus on something that will make it better for your family here, take it day by day; it helps you get through the sorrow. It makes you feel better to know your trying to help someone else. It doesn’t happen over night!"

Today, I'm grateful for the friendship she has with my mom. They are both bereaving the loss of their husbands and can better understand each other's sadness. Everyone needs loved ones and friends to help get through times of sorrow. If you don't have someone in your immediate physical life, you can find help in our virtual communities on line also, have you found your support?

Loss through incarceration

I posted the below interview on the Examiner.com in December of 2009. Several years later they closed their internet doors and took down the content. I'm hopeful the article might educate and perhaps surface empathy for those in the sidelines of this type of grief. 


I have never really thought of families who bereave loved ones through incarceration. Many innocent people love and lose family and friends through incarceration but unfortunately society isn't prone to empathize with this population even thought they had no involvement in their loved one's crime and suddenly, in a moment's time, this person is now out of their life. I can only imagine the confusion, hurt, angry and sadness that impacts all at once but, of course, I really don't know and hope I never live this experience. Bonnie has opened my heart to this type of bereavement. She is a wonderful person and we need more people in the world like her! I hope the articles helps you relate with them better.

Loss through incarceration 

We have no choice when a loved one is taken away from us.  It forces us to find our way through an emotional darkness to enable healing.   Grief recovery is an individual journey taking on many forms as it turns lives upside down.  Society is usually sympathetic to those coping with loss but what about someone whose loss was caused by incarceration? 

Bonnie Hilberer discovered, when her Son-in-Law struggled with the loss of his father, community support was unavailable.  The system took his Dad when he was found guilty of 2^nd degree murder, crippling the family! 

Bonnie communicated, “I watched the devastation; pain, anger and hurt my Son-in-Law and my Daughter went through.  The next few months were filled with anger, bitterness, and heartbreak; both knowing his Father had done this.  Shortly after, I realized I needed to start a support group of this type.  God had provided me with the tools through years of grief experience; both in personal loss and volunteering in grief support.   While this was not a loss through death, it was still an emotional loss and needed to be dealt with and understood.  Hope 4 Healing Hearts began October, 2008.”   

Her public support group meets the 2^nd Monday of each month and averages approximately 10-15 participants.  The forum includes non-denominational prayer, an overview, promise of confidentiality and open discussion. This non-judgmental setting promotes healing and offers resources.  It is free to survivors. 

Bonnie’s mission, “To follow the map God provided me – with His guidance I will try to help others find their peace through love and forgiveness.  God never gives us more than we can handle.  I honestly believe this.  Everything and everyone, in my life, has been there for a reason; to give me direction, to use my strengths and talents and to help others through their grief so they too may know God’s healing love.”  She continued, “Each time the group meets, I’m elated when I see tears turn into smiles.  When a new person joins the group, I love hearing everyone tell them they have come to the right place!” 

If someone in your circle is coping with bereavement loss through incarceration, Bonnie recommends you do not avoid or judge them.  And, do not believe everything you read in the papers.  Instead, offer non-judgmental loving support and encouragement during their time of need! 

Click her for more detail, www.hope4healinghearts.com

Bereaving the loss of a husband

Photo provided by Patricia LaBean taken at their
 40th Wedding anniversary party.

The loss of Buck LaBean, my father and Patricia LaBean's husband (my mother), has been the most traumatic thing any of us, in my family, has been through. We've all leaned on eachother and with each day that passes it seems we're stepping on the path of healing. Interviewing my mom and asking some personal questions helped me discover that she is doing better than I expected with her bereavement. My mom is a really strong person but she is living with a broken heart hoping her time left on earth is minimal. It is sad to accept this but I realize her world has been shattered and it will take some time for her to recover and find peace with a new life without my dad. Her persevering spirit inspired my article, which I posted on Examiner.com in November of 2009. They closed their internet doors years later and took down the article, which is posted below.

Bereaving the loss of a husband

As Patricia LaBean, of Belleville Michigan, placed her order for funeral flowers, May of 2008, she told the florist at Steins Nursery, “Fifty years ago in July, I was here with my boyfriend ordering our wedding flowers!” After living her life with her childhood sweetheart, her beloved husband, LaVern LaBean (known by all as Buck), she was devastated by his death. 

She communicated her biggest fear was to live by herself after being used to having someone with her; someone who shared all of her experiences and then all of a sudden he was gone! She offered advice to anyone who is suffering the loss of a loved one, especially through the holidays, “You don’t realize what you have until you lose it, you take them for granted because you think you’ll go on together forever and this isn’t the case.” Her message was clear, “Be thankful this Thanksgiving, and every day, for your family!” 

She continued, “It is hardest for me at night when I’m trying to sleep, thoughts go through my mind. I know it is bad to say but sometimes I feel like I’m just existing, waiting to die, waiting for my turn. At first things that reminded me of him like his birthday (November 25^th), certain songs, flowers, a Coke (he retired from Coca-Cola) made me sad but now, it makes me happy. I feel him around me and I know I’ll see him again someday.” When asked what she misses the most about him, Patty responded, “His sense of humor, he was always such a character, he kept me laughing all of the time!”

With time, Patricia is learning how to better cope with the grief from the loss of her husband. The support from her family, the unconditional love from her pets and her faith in God enables her to get through each day. 

Patricia and her family received a heavenly blessing they believed Buck helped orchestrate from beyond the grave. Her Grandchild, Jennifer Booth, gave birth to her first Great Grandchild, Kylie Madison Booth, born on May 20, 2009.  This was exactly one year, to the day, after her husband passed. This sweet little baby will help the family mourn Buck’s death with an annual gathering celebrating her life. It is a true miracle!